Hope Santa treated everyone well. Rest of the Week 17 slate coming at you on a Saturday. Let’s get right to it.

A quick note on methodology.

As always, I’m analyzing every NFL uniform matchup and picking a winner against the spread based on who dresses best. And just because a team is ranked higher in the Uniform Wardrobe Power Rankings doesn’t mean it will automatically win the uniform matchup. It’s what you wear in the instant matchup that counts.

Week 17 Saturday Games - Uniform Matchups and Picks.

Chargers-Patriots in a uniform matchup I can get behind. Silver pants continue to unlock New England’s look.* And yellow pants for the Chargers provide a perfect pop of complementary color. Los Angeles is the pick. And excited to start Saturday with this one.

Patriots are looking at big boards and scouting running mates worthy of the Drake Maye experience. But they still have a chance to play spoiler to the Chargers** before fully immersing themselves in draft season. Don’t think Harbaugh and the boys mess around here. Bolts boat race incoming.

*I’m not a “stripes always have to match” purist. But it is a bit off-putting for this Pats uniform. White center stripe on the pants and there’d be no notes left for their home look (other than pining for royal or red).

**And potentially the Bills for seeding next week depending on how the weekend shakes out.

The Pick: Chargers -5.5

Denver wore navy pants on the road against each of their division rivals in the AFC West. So it wouldn’t shock me to see the Broncos stick with an orange pants theme on the road against the AFC North. Bengals are the pick, but would’ve preferred them to go orange-black-orange to clear the way for navy-white-white from the Broncos. But it is what it is.

Easily the best game on Saturday. Broncos looking to punch their postseason ticket. And Bengals scratching and clawing to keep their longshot bid alive. Pat Surtain versus Ja’Marr Chase is the CB-WR heavyweight fight we deserve. And Surtain versus Tee Higgins isn’t too shabby either. Joe Burrow is playing at an MVP level, and he can officially advance a longshot case if his Bengals sneak into the dance. Odds are against that happening, but I like Cincy to keep the dream alive for at least one more week.

The Pick: Bengals -3

NOTE - the Broncos have yet to reveal their choice of pants.

Sneaky great uniform matchup on tap at SoFi.* Looking ahead after five years with this Rams look, the key is tweaks and not teardowns. Remove the gradient numbers and this is safely a top half wardrobe. Same goes for the Cardinals if they can ditch the red unitard and work white pants in at home because this whiteout uniform is up there for best in class. And it carries the Cardinals to the selection here.

Said it in the footnote below, and I’ll say it again here: total puke job from the Cardinals against the Panthers. I’ve been a fan of the Ossenfort-Gannon regime from the jump, and I’m still a believer. But it’s fire in the gut check time. There will be hard questions to answer this offseason. If the team doesn’t show any fight against the Rams, some answers may come easier than expected.

*Just wish Arizona didn’t throw up all over themselves in Carolina so the stakes could match.

The Pick: Cardinals +6.5

Week 17 Main Slate - Uniform Matchups and Picks.

Party like it’s the 1958 NFL Championship.* Colts and Giants feature a whole lot of blue and a whole lot of history. This is far from my favorite matchup of the weekend but still a serviceable showing. Colts in white get the nod.

So long as the Broncos and Chargers don’t punch their tickets on Saturday, the Colts are still alive for the dance. And whether Anthony Richardson plays or not, I have a hard time seeing Indy letting the lowly Giants hang around.

*If only the Giants would dust off the gray pants.

The Pick: Colts -7.5

Now this is a delightful uniform matchup. And believe it or not, we haven’t seen anything like it since 2013. The Bucs best of the week streak ends at three. Tampa takes it here. And pumped to see this one on the screen.

The sneaky good Panthers are approaching their fully-realized spoiler form. After stealing the season away from Arizona, the Bucs are the next step in their evolution. But Baker has learned a thing or two about survival of the fittest in this league.

The Pick: Buccaneers -8

Nice little AFC East uniform matchup. Though both teams should lean into some omissions: jumbo collar for the Jets and navy outline for the Bills (and perhaps their own dated collar as well). It’s a close call but giving the edge to Buffalo.

Batter up, Josh. After Lamar’s Christmas Day performance, the MVP race spotlight returns to Buffalo. It’s entirely possible that the Bills will be locked into the two seed with nothing to play for next week, so I expect our resident Gravity Hammer to take full advantage of this curtain call and bury the nail in the 2024 Jets coffin even deeper.

The Pick: Bills -9.5

Gather around, everyone. It’s time for the Titans-Jags uniform redesign prayer circle to commence. Let the manifestation begin. In the interim, this uniform has a minty freshness I can get behind. Give me plain Jags over panelist Titans.

With teams this bad, losers feels like winners to fanbases that have shifted all focus to the draft. And can’t really blame them. But while fans are thinking of next year’s rookies, the players are thinking about next year’s job security. These dudes are professionals, and I’m anticipating a more hard-fought game than people expect. Plus I’ll never complain about riding with the home team in a divisional bout.

The Pick: Jaguars -1

White against black. Silver against gold. Raiders-Saints on paper should consistently deliver sharp uniform matchups. But, as always, New Orleans had other ideas.

In a week with a handful of gross games, this one takes the cake. If we’re going to bear witness, might as well see Brock Bowers set rookie tight end receiving records that may never be broken.

The Pick: Raiders -1

Not half bad, Dolphins and Browns. One of my takeaways from this season is that I’m a bit too hard on Miami.* And the Browns new helmet has been the gift that keeps on giving this season. Cleveland is the choice in their Triple Mismatch Club glory.

Like the Colts, the Dolphins are still alive so long as the Broncos and Chargers don’t seal the deal on Saturday. And like many seasons before in franchise history, the Browns are relegated to playing spoiler this time of year. Can’t say I feel great about this spot. But it’s poor manners to look a healthy amount of points at home in the mouth.

*Though I’ll continue to pound the table for them to add more orange to their striping and explore bringing back the late 90s logo in the current shade of aqua.

The Pick: Browns +6.5

NOTE - the Dolphins have yet to reveal their choice of pants.

The undisputed football game of the week. From a color combo perspective, Packers at Vikings always delivers. But Minnesota’s shortcomings keep this rivalry from reaching its full aesthetic potential. Until the Vikings scrap the black mask and negative-space-nightmare number font, the Packers won’t have to worry about competition in the primary uniform department.

With that being said, the Packers do have to worry about the Vikings in the football department. I’ve underestimated the Vikings to my detriment all season. And as a football fan, I’ll be rooting for them in this one to boost our chances for Vikings-Lions for the NFC North in the season finale. But I go where the Uniform Gods take me.

The Pick: Packers +1.5

NOTE - the Vikings have yet to reveal their choice of pants.

Atlanta and Washington should start the New Year with thank-you notes to Baltimore and Houston. Only thing keeping these basement dwelling wardrobes from worst of the week was that Ravens-Texans lump of coal on Christmas Day. While the Commanders have yet to reveal their choice of pants, my gut tells me they’re going burgundy bodysuit. And if so, woofs all around. There’s no good answer here. But I may prefer the burgundy bodysuit over the myriad flaws in Atlanta’s outfit - worst number font in football, jumbo ATL wordmark, and side panels. Washington it is but only by default.

All sorts of playoff implications with this one. The most fun version of the day from an impartial perspective is Bucs beat the Panthers and Falcons beat the Commanders. That would leave all three teams with make-or-miss playoff scenarios in Week 18. But this Washington team has exceeded expectations all season. Dan Quinn is pining for revenge against the team that fired him. And I don’t think the Commanders leave anything to chance on Sunday Night Football.

The Pick: Commanders -3.5

NOTE - the Commanders have yet to reveal their choice of pants.

Blue pants for the Lions (or pant stripes on the white pants) would have this one in the best of the week conversation. But I can respect Detroit sticking with the 7-0 Marshmallows. Plus it makes a no brainer decision even easier. Niners all the way.

Last year’s NFC title rematch is a reminder that some things change and some things stay the same. Niners season from hell has culminated in official elimination from the playoffs. But the Lions - while bruised and battered by injuries - are favored for the one seed and a return to the NFC Championship Game. It’s no consolation prize in a year that’s best forgotten, but Kyle Shanahan will be able to sell this as the last big game of the year for the 2024 Niners - a chance to force their NFC juggernaut heirs to play on the road in January.

The Pick: 49ers +3.5

NOTE - the Lions have yet to reveal their choice of pants.

Worst NFL Uniform Matchup of Week 17.

See Wednesday’s Christmas Extravaganza issue for the full breakdown.

The Pick: Under 46.5

Best NFL Uniform Matchup of Week 17.

Been rooting for this one since the return of Kelly Green. And we’re finally getting it on Sunday. Like the Bucs, Philly’s wardrobe is in an ideal place - sharp primaries and an elite throwback. And no throwback offers up a more unique combination of helmet logos, sleeve logos, and colors. Per usual, the Cowboys serve as a complementary counterpart spotlighting the Birds and springboarding this one to the top spot. I’m particularly looking forward to the interplay between the royal numbers, the light blue pants, and that glorious Kelly Green.

No CeeDee Lamb and no Jalen Hurts spells bad news for the over. But where there’s a Saquon there’s a way. All the pundits will (fairly) tell you that it’s a two-horse MVP race between Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson. But before we make anything official, let’s see if Saquon can break Eric Dickerson’s single-season rushing record AND maintain his superior yards per attempt figure* (to combat the 17-game argument). I’m rooting for the record to be broken (a) because Barkley rules and (b) to see if the age of non-QBs winning the MVP is truly over.** Because if that performance doesn’t do it, I’m not sure anything will.

*Dickerson rushed for 2,105 yards in 16 games at a clip of 5.6 yards per carry. Saquon is currently at 5.9 yards per carry totaling 1,838 rushing yards in 15 games.

**To be fair, Dickerson did not win MVP when he set the record back in 1984. However, he came in second to Dan Marino, who happened to set his own records for passing yards and touchdowns in a season.

The Pick: Over 38

The Gridiron Uniform Database.

Uniform graphics seen here are courtesy of The Gridiron Uniform Database. If you’ve never paid their site a visit, stop what you’re doing right now and check it out. Best site on the Internet and an invaluable resource to uniform nerds and casuals alike.

Coming Attractions.

No more Thursday Night Football. So back on Sunday for the last week of the 2024 regular season.

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