Week 7 is admittedly a step down from the aesthetic glory of Week 6. But there’s still a lot to like this week. And the Sunday Night Football showdown will return one of the most beloved looks in NFL history. No time to waste. Let’s get after it.

A quick note on methodology.

As always, I’m analyzing every NFL uniform matchup and picking a winner against the spread based on who dresses best. And just because a team is ranked higher in the Uniform Wardrobe Power Rankings doesn’t mean it will automatically win the uniform matchup. It’s what you wear in the instant matchup that counts.

Week 7 Uniform Matchups and Picks.

Lions at Ravens is right up my alley aesthetically. A Triple Mismatch Club extravaganza featuring two of the highest upside wardrobes in the league. The Lions have their flaws and may frustrate me from time to time their uniform decisions, but they knocked it out of the park here. The Ravens wardrobe is consistently underrated and underappreciated. And the black-purple-white look is one of my favorite Triple Mismatch Club members in the league. Going with the Ravens here, but I’m all in on this matchup (which was right up there as a best of the week contender).

The Sunday night game is rightfully getting the most hype, but don’t sleep on Lions-Ravens as a football game of the week contender. The Lions have a bona fide case for best team in the league.* And the Ravens occupy the top spot of the best division in the league. The emergence of Detroit’s defense as a legitimately good unit is a game changer and shores up a glaring weakness of the 2022 Lions. While the Ravens still haven’t quite found their groove under new offensive coordinator Todd Monken, iron sharpens iron. The Lions will be the toughest overall test yet for the Ravens, but they’re giving up the second most total yards to opposing quarterbacks. That’s music to Lamar’s ears, and I think he rises to the occasion.

*My current NFL Power Rankings:

1. Lions

2. Chiefs

3. 49ers

4. Dolphins

5. Eagles

The Pick: Ravens -3

Raiders at Bears won’t claim the top spot this week, but it certainly made the shortlist. Two classic uniforms and a nice touch of complementary contrast. I’ve been going back and forth about which team gets the nod and cannot make up my mind. Tie goes to the higher ranked team in the Uniform Wardrobe Power Rankings. Las Vegas it is.

While it may not be flashy or impressive in any way, the Raiders are at .500 one-third of the way through the season. And they have an opportunity to break on through to the other side* against the lowly Bears - who will likely be starting rookie undrafted free agent Tyson Bagent.** Admittedly, Jimmy G will be out, so the Raiders will be relying upon their third different starter of the year - Brian Hoyer. Regardless, I still like their chances to get the win and cover the number.

*Shoutout Jim Morrison.

**Boomer: “From?” TJ: “Shepherd University.”

The Pick: Raiders -2

Browns at Colts is undoubtedly the easiest choice of the week. I still do not understand what the Colts were thinking with this “Indiana Nights” alternate.* While the helmet is relatively fine on its own (as far as alternate black helmets go), the heather blue unitard is a total miss.** The Browns can do no wrong on the road, and they lap the Colts in this one.

With Anthony Richardson now out for the year, it’s the Gardner Minshew show from here on out in Indianapolis. And while Minshew always has a few tricks up his sleeve, this Browns defense may be the best in the league. Whether it’s Deshaun Watson or PJ Walker at quarterback, the Cleveland defense should be able to keep the magic number low.

*Nothing like debuting a night-themed uniform in the early afternoon.

**There’s no saving the uniform from being far worse than the Colts sharp primaries, but black pants or even a black-black-blue outfit would’ve been much more tolerable.

The Pick: Browns -2

Well would you look at that. Our prayers to the Uniform Gods have been answered. For the first time this season, the Patriots are donning silver pants. The Bills are in the conversation for best icy white uniform in the league, and the Patriots thankfully are giving us a break from the navy unitard. Sneaky good uniform matchup all around, but the edge goes to Buffalo.

It’s getting genuinely sad at this point for Bill Belichick and the Patriots. Mac Jones is one-hundred feet below rock bottom. And the entire team feels like they’ve tuned out the Patriot Way. The Bills have been up and down this year, but the buzzsaw is always there beneath the surface. Prepare yourselves, New England fans. I fear that the buzzsaw is coming out in a major way here. But as a Bills bettor, bring on the carnage.

The Pick: Bills -7.5

NOTE - The Patriots have yet to reveal their choice of pants.

Falcons at Bucs is underwhelming at best and on the worst of the week shortlist at worst. There’s just not much to write home about here from a uniform matchup perspective. The Bucs in their excellent icy whites are the clear selection but can’t say I’m excited to see this one on the screen.

Falcons-Bucs will have immediate and future implications on a tight NFC South race. The Falcons looked promising out of the gate but have dropped three of their last four while the Bucs are coming off a no-show (albeit exceptionally dressed) performance against the mighty Lions. With that being said, the winner of this one leaves with the division lead. Desmond Ridder looks completely out of his depth, but Atlanta is still putting forth a strong run game. Unfortunately for them, Tampa Bay boasts a Top 5 run defense. If the Bucs can force the Falcons to put the game in Ridder’s hands, prepare to cover.

The Pick: Buccaneers -2.5

To our delight, the Giants are following up the excellent icy white throwbacks* with the even better royal throwbacks. And this will be the second year in a row that the Giants are breaking out this look against the Commanders. I have nothing further to say about Washington’s wardrobe that hasn’t already been said beyond the obvious: they make these choices easy. Giants in a landslide.

Before the season, most would say the Giants have a huge coaching advantage over the Commanders. Brian Daboll was coming off a Coach of the Year rookie season, and Ron Rivera was staring down a hot-seat season. While the man formerly known as Riverboat Ron** still leaves much to be desired, it’s reasonable to ask whether the Giants have any coaching advantage at all. I’ve seen a number of people criticize Tyrod Taylor for checking to a run play with seconds remaining at the end of the first half last week. But that is squarely on the coaching staff. It is malpractice to not be in the quarterback’s ear reminding them to not run or take a sack under any circumstances. That negligence cost the Giants at least three points in that moment and snowballed to cost them the game. I still have faith in Daboll and think he’s a good coach, but it’s a good reminder to not anoint these guys after one season where they overperformed expectations. For our purposes, I’m content to be riding with a home dog in a division game.

*Called Color Rush by the team, but they are what they are: throwbacks.

**More like Carnival Cruise Ron these days.

The Pick: Giants +3

NOTE - The Commanders have yet to reveal their choice of pants.

Steelers at Rams. Party like it’s Super Bowl XIV. The Rams continue to be the personification of flawed good.* And the Steelers can do no wrong in their Triple Mismatch Club road outfit. Pittsburgh all the way.

Everyone was ready to write the Steelers off a few weeks ago, but here they are fresh off a bye and in striking distance of first place in the AFC North. The Rams have been outperforming their offseason expectations all season long. So in many ways, this is the “reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated” game. While Pittsburgh may be on the road, you won’t be able to look anywhere in SoFi Stadium without seeing a sea of terrible towels. I like the Steelers to win this home game away from home outright - but a cover will do just fine.

*The blue-blue-bone gray outfit is certainly nothing to write home about. But I give credit to the Rams for saving us from yellow on yellow pant clash.

The Pick: Steelers +3

It’s so refreshing to look forward to NFC West uniform matchups post-Cardinals redesign. My thoughts on the Cardinals new road uniforms are well known at this point. And I cannot praise the Seahawks enough for breaking up the navy bodysuit and giving us wolf gray pants. Arizona gets the nod, but high marks all around.

The big news in Cardinals land this week was Kyler Murray getting activated off the PUP list. But it’s likely to be a few more weeks before we see him take the field. So it’s now or never, Josh Dobbs. Time to show whether those first few weeks were the real deal or a mirage. As rough as the last two games have been, my money is on the real deal (at least in terms of what he can offer as a spot starter). The Seahawks were the better team in Cincinnati, but Geno Smith and Co. couldn’t capitalize in the red zone. Seattle strikes me as one of the 10 best teams in the league, and they should get back on track here. But I think the scrappy Cardinals hang around and keep it close in a tough divisional bout.

The Pick: Cardinals +8.5

Packers at Broncos. Party like it’s Super Bowl XXXII. This is far from the best of the week, but I’m kind of digging it. Yellow and orange can get clashy, but the Broncos navy helmet offers sharp contrast. Packers get the nod, and I’m intrigued by how this will look on the screen.

As intrigued as I am by the uniform matchup, the actual football game may be one worth skipping. After piquing my interest for the first two weeks, Jordan Love has come back down to Earth. Meanwhile, Russell Wilson has been stuck in the Earth’s core for almost a year and a half. Your guess is as good as mine here, but I’m fairly confident neither of these teams will be playing meaningful ball in January.

The Pick: Packers -1

Any other week, Chargers-Chiefs likely runs away with the top spot. But there’s no shame in making the podium. This uniform matchup is always a delight regardless of whether the Chargers wear white or yellow pants. And speaking of regardless, they’re the choice either way.

Six weeks into the season and it already feels like the Chiefs have a stranglehold on the AFC West. Fresh off a mini-bye, the Chiefs can effectively bury the Chargers and box them out of any reasonable path to the division crown. After the Cowboys loss and throughout this week I’ve seen a lot of “is Justin Herbert even good?” and “what has Justin Herbert ever done?” discourse.* While I understand the frustration with the Chargers always Chargering, Herbert is unequivocally one of the best in the business. Whether it’s passer rating, QBR, EPA, you name it - the guy is consistently in the quarterback Top 10. And since joining the NFL, he’s tied for second in game winning drives. Did he play well against Dallas? Absolutely not. But if you did a league-wide quarterback draft right now, he’s not getting out of the Top 5. At the end of the day, Herbert doesn’t need me or anyone else sticking up for him. He just needs to go out and do his thing - preferably by staying within the number against the Chiefs.

*How quickly everyone forgets that Peyton Manning did not win a playoff game until year six.

The Pick: Chargers +5.5

NOTE - Both teams have yet to reveal their choice of pants.

49ers at Vikings is a nice capper to a solid week. The Niners are the easy choice but should be a sharp matchup overall - especially in the color combination department.

After showing the world that he may be human after all, Brock Purdy needs to channel his inner White Goodman and declare that no one makes him bleed his own blood.* No better way to do that than a beatdown of the Vikings on national television. At least he better make sure that he does or Kyle Shanahan may refuse to leave the Twin Cities area without bringing his white whale Kirk Cousins with him.

*Nice little Dodgeball reference for ya.

The Pick: 49ers -6.5

NOTE - The Vikings have yet to reveal their uniform.

Worst NFL Uniform Matchup of Week 7.

Check out the full breakdown in this week’s Thursday Night Football issue.

The Pick: Under 40

Best NFL Uniform Matchup of Week 7.

Dolphins at Eagles.* It’s the moment we’ve all been waiting for.** Kelly Green is BACK. And it’s never looked better. The helmet, shoulder logo, and classic color palette of green and silver look fantastic on the modern template. The Dolphins going with aqua pants - and more importantly foregoing throwbacks of their own - will keep this one out of the best of the year conversation. But there was no way I was keeping the triumphant return of one of the best uniforms in sports out of the top spot.

I haven’t been this excited for a regular season football game in a long time. The Dolphins have been obscenely dominant on offense six weeks into the season. At first place in expected points, the gap between the Dolphins and the second place 49ers is roughly the same as the gap between the 49ers and the seventh place Eagles. Miami is also scoring on 50% of their drives. The Eagles are no slouches on offenses themselves - scoring on 47.6% of their own drives. And that’s even with the eye test telling us this Philadelphia offense isn’t playing up to their NFC champion form from a year ago. If there’s ever a time to return to last season’s apex, it’s right now with the eyes of the NFL world upon them (and those gorgeous Kelly Green getups). Let there be points.

*Party like it’s Super Bowl LVIII?? From my mouth to the Football Gods’ ears.

**This is really the stretch of the season we’ve all been waiting for. Creamsicles last week. Kelly Green this week. And Oilers and Seahawks throwbacks next week. What a time to be alive.

The Pick: Over 51.5

The Gridiron Uniform Database.

The uniform graphics you see here are courtesy of The Gridiron Uniform Database. If you’ve never paid their site a visit, stop what you’re doing right now and check it out. Best site on the Internet and an invaluable resource to uniform nerds and casuals alike.

Coming Attractions.

Another uniform week in the books. You know the drill. Back for more on Thursday.

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