Welcome to Week 6. While it may be impossible to top Niners-Seahawks from Thursday Night Football, we’re in for another main slate filled with excellent aesthetics.

A quick note on methodology.

As always, I’m analyzing every NFL uniform matchup and picking a winner against the spread based on who dresses best. And just because a team is ranked higher in the Uniform Wardrobe Power Rankings doesn’t mean it will automatically win the uniform matchup. It’s what you wear in the instant matchup that counts.

Week 6 Uniform Matchups and Picks.

Beginning the breakdowns with our old friend Pat the Patriot. And lucky for us, he’s found himself an excellent counterpart in the new age Texans. The dark navy continues to come through for Houston and pairs perfectly with the red, white, and royal blue of New England. Giving the edge to the Pats, but top marks all around.

Seems cruel serving up Drake Maye to that Texans pass rush behind this Patriots offensive line. On paper, things could get out of hand. But Maye was a Top 3 pick for a reason, and we’ve seen rookies shock the world before - just ask the guy on the other sideline.

The Pick: Patriots +6.5

Cardinals-Packers is speaking my language. Any other week, this likely would’ve claimed the top spot. But Arizona and Green Bay must settle for second place to a uniform matchup of the year applicant. The Cardinals showcase the benefits of a whiteout look - serving as a springboard to the green and yellow of the Packers. But just because a uniform is all white does not mean that it is colorless; the vibrant pops of red and silver from Arizona are the stars of the show. And the Cardinals get the nod as a result.

I don’t think it’s hyperbole to say that the Cardinals saved their season coming back against the Niners last week. And now they have an opportunity to claim first place in the NFC West with a win over the Packers. Tall order on the road with Jordan Love continuing to settle back into the captain’s chair. But if Love’s rust keeps coming with Wentz-esque endzone pick sixes, Arizona has a puncher’s chance - especially to cover.

The Pick: Cardinals +5.5

Commanders at Ravens in one of the most lopsided uniform matchups of the week. I will never understand Washington’s white uniform with its bizarre snakeskin gradient and omission of gold* beneath the helmet. And Baltimore does no wrong in black-purple-white. Ravens by a mile.

The Battle for the DMV is upon us. Jayden Daniels is the most electrifying quarterback since - wait for it - Lamar Jackson. But in this game, give me the elder Heisman Trophy winner (who happens to be 21-1 against the NFC).

*Would’ve been a nice spot to try gold pants with the white jersey.

The Pick: Ravens -6.5

Browns-Eagles is a solid uniform matchup. But orange pants from Cleveland would’ve taken it to the next level. As such, while I normally would go with the Browns, giving this one to the Birds.

The Browns offense has reached five-alarm dumpster fire status. The only explanation for Deshaun Watson remaining as the starter is a mandate from ownership.* And I don’t see the situation improving against a fresh Philly team coming off the bye.

*Sunk cost theory strikes again.

The Pick: Eagles -8.5

Bucs at Saints. Metal helm over white at metal helm over black. But the comps between these uniforms must stop there. Tampa Bay can do no wrong in white on the road. And New Orleans can do no right with the black practice pant unitard.* Bucs in a no brainer.

Welcome to the show, Spencer Rattler. Allow me to introduce you to Todd Bowles. Now prepare to be blitzed. And brace for impact.

*Per usual, gold pants are too much to ask of the Saints.

The Pick: Buccaneers -3

The word that comes to mind with this one: underwhelming. And let’s be clear, that has nothing to do with Indy and everything to do with Tennessee. The wardrobe is mired in flaws to begin with, but no Titans uniform is worse than the navy bodysuit. Colts are the clear choice.

Anthony Richardson versus Will Levis will get all the headlines (and rightfully so). But as fun as those agents of chaos are, I’m most interested to see which prevails: the middle of the road offense and defense of the Colts or the basement dweller offense and top shelf defense of the Titans. With so much volatility at quarterback for both teams, I’m glad to be taking the points and riding with the more even-keeled group.

The Pick: Colts +3

Hard to get more timeless and classic than Steelers-Raiders. I’d usually score this one as a tie, but I’m feeling especially appreciative of the pop of yellow from Pittsburgh. Steelers clear by an inch.

After a 3-0 start, the Steelers have come back down to Earth following losses to the Colts and Cowboys. But that defense is still a world beating unit. And the Raiders are as rudderless as any team in the league.

The Pick: Steelers -3

As noted below, we’re still waiting on pants from the Broncos. But I’m digging the potential here. Navy pants for Denver are my preference, but white would still be solid. Just hoping it’s not orange overload against the Chargers in their season debut of white over yellow. No matter how it shakes out, Los Angeles is the pick.

Don’t look now, but the Chargers and Broncos are frontrunners in the AFC Wild Card race. And that has everything to do with these two defenses. Sean Payton commented after last week’s game that Bo Nix has some Ferris Bueller in him. And Denver might need to put up some Save Ferris water towers after taking on this Chargers front.

The Pick: Chargers -3

NOTE - the Broncos have yet to reveal their choice of pants.

Always a delight to see Dallas in blue at home - especially the Triple Mismatch Club variety. But given the options* for Detroit, was rooting for the Lions to mix up the mojo from the Dan Skipper Game with blue pants. Instead, we get white practice pants.** At least it makes for an easy decision; Cowboys all the way.

Fightin’ Dan Campbells coming off a bye. And America’s Team coming off a choppy win in Pittsburgh on a weather-delayed Sunday night. I must admit I expected Dallas to be spotted more than a field goal and change here. Perhaps this is the nuclear CeeDee game we’ve been waiting for.

*Upon revealing the new uniform wardrobe this offseason, the Lions released a graphic that showed the road whites would be worn “two ways” with blue or white pants. Hoping that changes in the future to allow for silver pants - with their much needed stripes - to be added to the rotation.

**Apply the sleeve stripe to the pants and you have one of the best white uniforms in the league.

The Pick: Cowboys +3.5

Ask and you shall receive. The Panthers are finally pairing the black helmet with the blue jersey. Carolina still needs to find a way to better superimpose the helmet logo, but black helm over blue jersey and pants works for them.* Nothing works for the Falcons in their current primaries, so the Panthers take it in a landslide.

Since introducing the black helmet, Carolina has only worn it against Atlanta. And they’ve won every time. Here’s to history repeating.

*Dark Color Rising is always a good rule of thumb.

The Pick: Panthers +6.5

This is a bit of an underwhelming Sunday Night Football game. But at least it’s a sneaky good uniform matchup. Orange and blue offer textbook complementary contrast. Bengals are the pick but digging this one overall.

It’s hard to believe the Bengals are 1-4 with how well Joe Burrow and the offense* are playing. But the Cincy defense is a sieve. And the breaks of the game never cease to amaze me. The Giants don’t pass the eye test, and they’ll once again be without Malik Nabers. Bengals have no choice at this point; take care of business or start scouting January vacation* destinations.

*Giants might have some boat charter materials lying around MetLife.

The Pick: Bengals -3.5

Started with an old friend. Ending with an old enemy. The Bills blueberry unitard will always be a miss for me.* But at least the Jets are coming through with the coup de grace of their new wardrobe. The “Classic” uniform is mashup of various Jets eras and encompasses my personal favorite Jets look** at a macro level. New York runs away with this one.

Only three words needed here: INTERIM COACH GAME.

*Lighter helmet over a darker unitard disappoints again. Especially off-putting with white helmets.

**Though I do prefer the helmet wordmark/logo and number font of the current primaries. And if we’re blending eras, I would’ve gone white or green mask. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I’d sign up for the Jets (and Giants) switching between their two classic looks every 10-20 years.

The Pick: Jets +2.5

Worst NFL Uniform Matchup of Week 6.

Another year. Another international aesthetic incident. We’re officially on Bit Watch with Jacksonville’s insistence on wearing black pants against dark uniform teams. I will never understand the resistance to the best color in their palette. Chicago* is collateral damage in the worst of the week for the second week in a row.

Two Bottom 10 offenses in EPA per play. A Bears defense that belongs in the best-in-the-league conversation. And a Jags defense loaded with talent that I’m still holding out hope for. All music to my under betting ears.

*Like last week against the Panthers, this one is no fault of the Bears. The ‘95 expansion teams are doing the Bears dirty.

The Pick: Under 44.5

Best NFL Uniform Matchup of Week 6.

Check out the full breakdown from Thursday’s issue here.

The Pick: Over 48.5

The Gridiron Uniform Database.

Uniform graphics seen here are courtesy of The Gridiron Uniform Database. If you’ve never paid their site a visit, stop what you’re doing right now and check it out. Best site on the Internet and an invaluable resource to uniform nerds and casuals alike.

Coming Attractions.

You know the drill. Back on Thursday for Broncos-Saints and Sean Payton’s return to New Orleans.

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