Most wonderful time of the year, indeed. The Week 16 main slate is primed to be a great capper to great football weekend (though we can all be honest and admit that the college slate on Saturday underwhelmed). Hopefully the pro game carries us off in style. Let’s ride.

A quick note on methodology.

As always, I’m analyzing every NFL uniform matchup and picking a winner against the spread based on who dresses best. And just because a team is ranked higher in the Uniform Wardrobe Power Rankings doesn’t mean it will automatically win the uniform matchup. It’s what you wear in the instant matchup that counts.

Week 16 Uniform Matchups and Picks.

First they bring back the white mask. Now they take a stand against orange overload. Cleveland can’t stop doing things rights (at least aesthetically). Since the unveiling of the White Bengal uniform, I’ve been calling for the use of a whiteout uniform to mitigate Browns-Bengals orange clash. Glad to see it’s finally come to fruition. On any other day, I’d probably give the edge to Cincy. But giving credit where it’s due and going with the Browns for stepping up to make the best uniform matchup in the history of this rivalry* possible.

Get Lloyd Christmas on the line because people are saying there’s a Bengals playoff chance. All they need to do is win out, have the Colts and Dolphins lose at least one, and have the Broncos lose out. That’s a whole lot of moving parts to remember. Perhaps the Browns can unburden our minds.

*Go back and look at some games in the late 2010s to see how far we’ve come.

The Pick: Browns +9.5

No surprise. The marshmallows are here to stay. And to be honest, as frustrating as it may be aesthetically, I can’t blame the Lions. Detroit is now 6-0 in this combo. And I don’t foresee them working in blue pants until they lose in icy white. Perhaps the stone cold classic Bears - the clear best uniform in this one - can do the honor.

Nope. Sorry. Still can’t do it. I refuse to ride with the Bears until they show an ounce of fight and at least try to redeem themselves following two straight interim coach clunkers.

The Pick: Lions -6.5

NOTE - the Bears have yet to reveal their uniform.

I’ll be honest. I didn’t think this day would come, but here we are. I’m officially picking the Commanders in a uniform matchup over an NFC East rival. To be fair, the Eagles made this a somewhat easy decision. The green-white-black look is one of my least favorite members of the Triple Mismatch Club. And while Washington still has all sorts of flaws, the addition of gold pants has been a game changer.

10 wins in a row for the Eagles after winning the Battle for the Keystone State. And near disaster for the Commanders in New Orleans. Philly has won three straight (and six of the last seven) in this rivalry. Plus, for my money, the Birds look like the best team in football. But I’ve got Jayden Daniels and divisional game wonkiness on my side.

The Pick: Commanders +4.5

Cardinals at Panthers in a lopsided affair. Arizona continues to rock one of the best whiteout looks in the league. And Carolina reminds us of the aesthetic risks of placing a lighter helmet over a darker unitard.* Cardinals by a mile.

If Arizona wants to win the NFC West, they need to beat the teams they’re supposed to beat. Took care of business against the Pats last week. And up next is a Panthers team that looked lost against Dallas but has been sneaky competent since November. Jonathan Gannon should not sleep on Carolina, but this is an ideal matchup for the Cardinals. The Panthers are the worst run defense in football - second worst in EPA per rush and giving up the most rushing yards to opposing running backs. So run-first and run-well Arizona is primed to feast.

*Rooting for a future that features this Cardinals uniform against a black-black-blue Panthers ensemble.

The Pick: Cardinals -4.5

Always a delight to see the Falcons throwbacks. And always a reminder that they’re squandering their Top 10 aesthetic potential with their basement dwelling primaries. I miss the Giants gray pants every week - and even more so against a Falcons franchise that also used to rock gray pants with aplomb. Atlanta is the obvious choice.

Let the Michael Penix experience begin. Going against arguably the worst team in football should be a soft landing for the rookie. But this league has a funny way of catching you by surprise. With that said, even if Penix stumbles out of the gate, can’t say I’m too concerned about Drew Lock.

The Pick: Falcons -8.5

I had my eye on Rams-Jets as a sneaky good uniform matchup. But they’re leaving opportunities on the table with blue pants from Los Angeles and green pants from New York. I love that the Rams have blue pants in the wardrobe (and would love them even more if the stripe mirrored the yellow pants). And there are absolutely times to wear them (like last week against the Niners). But against the Jets in all that green, a pop of yellow would have been a sharp addition to the overall color combo. Speaking of the Jets in all green, that bodysuit is not my cup of tea. The jumbo white collar stands out even more than usual in the worst way. So giving this one to the Rams.

Before the season, Stafford versus Rodgers in Week 16 would’ve sounded like appointment television. But life comes at you fast. At least Stafford and the Rams have lived up to their end of the bargain. While I wouldn’t take the Jets lightly coming off a surprisingly electric game against the Jags, I like Los Angeles to roll.

The Pick: Rams -3

it’s a winter whiteout in Indianapolis - featuring one of the most lopsided uniform matchups of the week. The all-navy Titans are one of the worst looks in the league. And the all-white Colts are one of the best.

Indy’s playoff hopes are hanging by a thread after the disaster in Denver. But there’s still hope. A fool’s hope. But hope nonetheless. Worse ways to claw back than a get-right game against the Mason Rudolph-led Titans.

The Pick: Colts -3.5

For the first time in franchise history, the Bills are breaking up the red unitard with white pants. And given the time of year, please join me in shouting joy to the world! This is a fantastic alternate and an instant classic during the Christmas season.* To make matters better, the Patriots continue to lean into silver pants. And the result is one of the best Pats-Bills uniform matchups in recent memory. Bills get the nod.

Josh Allen has the inside track on the first MVP of his career. But with Lamar on his heels and Saquon still in striking distance of the rushing record, this is no time to coast. I expect Allen and the Bills to keep their foot on the gas, smoke the Pats, and continue to lurk for the one seed.

*Gives off candy cane vibes. And I mean that in the best possible way. Wish the entire league was rocking the cross-canes Christmas patch so we could see it on this Bills uniform.

The Pick: Bills -14

Jags at Raiders is nothing to write home about. Though Jacksonville going with teal pants did save us from a dark and dreary affair (and saved the matchup from this week’s spot of shame). Vegas still takes it by default.

Let’s call a spade a spade here. This game is gross. A coach has never been more checked out than Doug Pederson. Riding with the Riaders, telling myself that’s got to count for something. But can’t pretend Antonio Pierce doesn’t also have one foot out the door.

The Pick: Raiders -1.5

I’m picking up what Niners-Dolphins is putting down. Dolphins throwbacks might’ve elevated this one to best of the week status, but this is still a first-rate showdown. My love for San Fran’s wardrobe is well known. And I’m admittedly lower on the Dolphins than they deserve.* This is especially the case when they break out aqua over white. 49ers we’re always going to take this one but top marks overall.

Miami still clinging to a long shot (and unlikely) chance at the playoffs. And the way is all but shut for San Francisco. With opportunities to play spoiler to the Dolphins, Lions, and Cardinals, Kyle Shanahan and crew might as well get into the holiday spirit, channel their inner Grinch, and steal Mike McDaniel’s Christmas.

*Late 90s logo with today’s color palette, more orange in the striping, a number font refresh, and Miami can shoot up the Power Rankings. Wouldn’t mind seeing a Ricky Williams/Ronnie Brown Era orange alternate in the rotation either.

The Pick: 49ers -1

Still waiting on a uniform announcement from the Saints. Holding out hope they surprise us with the Color Rush throwbacks for Monday Night Football. But I’ll temper my expectations. Without a clear path from New Orleans, I’ll lose no sleep going with the Packers in green and yellow.

Where the Bears and Jets have been soulless messes with interim coaches, the Saints are at least fighting for King Clog. But you can only fight so hard when you’re outclassed like New Orleans is against Green Bay.

The Pick: Packers -14

NOTE - the Saints have yet to reveal their choice of uniform.

Worst NFL Uniform Matchup of Week 16.

Vikings at Seahawks. Two wardrobe holdovers from the hypermodern 2010s. And two teams that desperately could use a refresh. This one certainly won’t compete for worst of the year, but there’s a darkness and dreariness I can’t shake (especially when staring at that black Vikings mask). Let this be a reminder that a Top 10 wardrobe is out there for both of these teams.

The Vikings keep on rolling. At this point, there’s nothing I want more than a Week 18 Vikings at Lions showdown on Sunday Night Football to decide the NFC North (and potentially the one seed in the NFC). Meanwhile, the Seahawks may have reached the end of their road with the injury to Geno Smith. What’s the NFL record for sacks by a defense in a game? Asking for Brian Flores and Sam Howell.

The Pick: Under 42.5

Best NFL Uniform Matchup of Week 16.

I was fully expecting the Bucs to go with the pewter bodysuit here. And I couldn’t be happier to be wrong. For those counting at home, that’s three straight best of the weeks for Tampa Bay. And this one might just be the best of the bunch. Textbook complementary contrast with the red and pewter of the Bucs pairing brilliantly with the silver, white, and blue elements of the Cowboys. Plus this is a shining example of the benefits of the Cowboys utilizing that light blue shade* instead of silver/gray for their pants. Expect to see this one again in the best of the year conversation.

The Bucs offense has been humming since the return of Mike Evans.** And Baker Mayfield continues to put together an honorable mention MVP case. The Cowboys air defense has been a sieve recently - giving up the third most passing yards and tenth most passing touchdowns over the last four weeks. Meanwhile, the Bucs defense is Bottom 7 in yards allowed. So I like the Bucs to light up the Sunday Night Football sky - doing their part to get us to the number while on the other end allowing the Cowboys to keep pace.

*Made for showdowns against the Bucs and Niners. Kicks everything up a notch. And for the record, it hasn’t been “sea foam green” since 2019.

**Evans needs 251 yards over these last three games for his 11th straight season over 1,000 receiving yards, which would tie Jerry Rice’s record.

The Pick: Over 48.5

The Gridiron Uniform Database.

Uniform graphics seen here are courtesy of The Gridiron Uniform Database. If you’ve never paid their site a visit, stop what you’re doing right now and check it out. Best site on the Internet and an invaluable resource to uniform nerds and casuals alike.

Coming Attractions.

Back on Christmas Day for Chiefs-Steelers and Ravens-Texans.

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