Week 15 is shaping up to be a doozy. Some excellent uniform matchups. A healthy amount of sharp alternates - including a wintry debut. A few under the radar gems. The best late slate in recent memory. And the Cowboys in blue on the road. No one’s got it better than us.

A quick note on methodology.

As always, I’m analyzing every NFL uniform matchup and picking a winner against the spread based on who dresses best. And just because a team is ranked higher in the Uniform Wardrobe Power Rankings doesn’t mean it will automatically win the uniform matchup. It’s what you wear in the instant matchup that counts.

Week 15 Uniform Matchups and Picks.

This iteration of Dolphins-Texans speaks to me. I normally would prefer white pants for Houston. But the stripe on the Deep Steel Blue pants provides a delightful pop of red, which complements the dark navy, white, and aqua making up this uniform matchup. In a stacked slate, this one won’t come close to competing for best of the week. However, I expect it to look great on the screen and think it might just steal the early window show. Texans are the pick.

Four games left and the Dolphins - after winning four of their last five - have a puncher’s chance at the postseason. The return of Tua has resurrected Miami’s passing attack. But Houston’s defense is first in success rate and third in EPA per pass. As much as I want to keep my guy Mike McDaniel in the fight, the Texans are a rough draw.

The Pick: Texans -2.5

Party like it’s the 1996 NFC Divisional Round. Bonus points to the Panthers for tapping into the aesthetic mojo from the first playoff win in franchise history. And double bonus points for making the Cowboys wear blue on the road. It’d feel wrong to ignore all of those bonus points. So Panthers it is.

I said it on Thursday. And I’ll say it again here: the Bryce Young redemption arc is one of the best stories of 2024. Dave Canales breathed life into a wayward first overall pick, and Carolina now has something tangible to work with. Hard to imagine Dallas having any fight left after that special teams gaffe on Monday ended their season. So sign me up for 1996 history to repeat.

The Pick: Panthers -2.5

After faking us out with the Denver game, the Browns whiteout is actually making an appearance this time. And after being subjected to some clashing Chiefs-Browns games, I support Cleveland going all white against Kansas City. Ice Elves forever.

The back-to-back defending champs are addicted to winning close games and failing to cover. Why change now?

The Pick: Browns +4.5

NOTE - the Chiefs have yet to reveal their choice of pants.

We can work with this. The orange-white-white Bengals looking sharp in one of the best looks in their Top 4 wardrobe. And the Titans - despite their myriad flaws - continue to showcase light blue and make things as palatable as possible. Cincy runs away with it, but I appreciate Tennessee making this a solid color combo overall.

The Bengals need four more wins and a whole lot of help to sneak into the dance. Former Bengal Brian Callahan knows where all of the bodies are buried in Cincy’s defensive scheme. But judging how this season has gone, so does every offense in the league. I refuse to believe Joe Burrow and Ja’Marr Chase allow the lowly Titans to derail the dream. But it’s been one of those years.

The Pick: Bengals -4.5

For the second and final time this season, we are treated to the glorious Jaguars throwbacks. Though the Jets* don’t make for the most complementary counterpart. Hoping another solid outing in these Dream of the 90s beauties inspires ownership to lean into a Modern Classic version of this look full time. Let’s go Jags.

Trevor Lawrence has never lost in this uniform. Batter up, Mac Jones.

*Are we all in the trust tree? Because I need to get this off my chest. The more I see these Jets uniforms, the more I’m slightly underwhelmed. I’ll always go to bat for that helmet and logo. It’s a solid throwback look and was a welcome improvement over their prior wardrobe. But, for me, it pales in comparison to the Classic uniform - worn earlier this season against the Bills. After almost a full season with the new look, I’m anticipating a slight fall in next year’s Power Rankings.

The Pick: Jaguars +3.5

This Ravens look is one of my Triple Mismatch Club favorites. But there are more complementary uniforms to wear it against than the royal Giants. Still a no brainer choice - Ravens all the way.

Monster number to cover. But then I remember it’s Lamar Jackson versus Tommy DeVito. Forget about it.

The Pick: Ravens -16.5

The Battle for the Keystone State should be one to remember - aesthetically and otherwise. The Midnight Green Eagles routinely deliver and pair wonderfully with their Pennsylvania counterparts. And the yellow pants of the Steelers provide the pop of color this matchup needs. Giving Pittsburgh the nod as a result.

No George Pickens is a killer for the Steelers. But Jalen Hurts has been struggling through the air as of late. He looked especially rough against a Panthers defense that is dead last in success rate and Bottom 5 in EPA per pass. Enter TJ Watt and the boys in black and yellow.

The Pick: Steelers +5.5

Colts at Broncos in a sneaky great uniform matchup. For my money, the runner-up for best of the week. Despite being team Modern Classic Orange Crush, I was sold on the Broncos new look from the jump. And, as expected, I’ve seen no shortage of “these uniforms are growing on me” and similar takes from the masses coming to their senses. There are certainly things I’d tweak (such as balancing the number perforations and exploring a new helmet bumper). But Denver has cemented themselves as a solid uniform wardrobe. With that being said, the timeless simplicity of the Colts carries the day.

Believe it or not, this is the most important game of Week 15. No outcome this week will provide a bigger playoff percentage swing. Different models provide different percentages. But the crux of it is this: Broncos get to 90% with a win and drop down around 50% with a loss; Colts get up around 50% with a win but bottom out below 10% with a loss. After explaining all of that, they’ll probably end up tying. But a cover’s a cover.

The Pick: Colts +4.5

Tip of the cap to the Patriots for finally settling into a pattern of correct aesthetic decision making. The consistent use of silver pants makes this a workable uniform wardrobe.* For the second year in a row with the new wardrobe, the Cardinals are giving us a white uniform home game. As I’ve said before, I’d fully support the Cardinals being a white-at-home team.** And Arizona can expect to be the pick whenever they do so (as they are here).

Cardinals at 6-4 feels like 100 years ago. The wheels appear to have fallen off with three straight losses, and the vibes have never been lower in the Ossenfort-Gannon Era. But when you step back for a moment, it’s just two divisional losses and a narrow defeat against an 11-2 team. Hope yet remains. And New England is right on time for a get-right game.

*Though I’m still holding out hope for a 90s-style royal future with home and away Pat the Patriot throwbacks in reserve.

**Especially with the white helmet-red unitard disaster currently getting the lion’s share of work at State Farm Stadium.

The Pick: Cardinals -6

I genuinely considered Bills-Lions for best of the week. Two elite helmets, sharp contrast, and the enormity of all the intangibles that come with a game-of-the-year atmosphere. But I just couldn’t get there with black pants from the Lions. Detroit’s blue helmet-black jersey combo has the makings of my favorite non-throwback alternate. But I can’t elevate the entire uniform to top alternate status until blue pants join the party.* Buffalo understood the assignment, came to Detroit dressed for a snowstorm, and earned the selection in one of the best whiteout looks in the league.

I don’t think I’ve ever been more excited for a regular season game. Buzzsaw Bills** against the Fightin’ Dan Campbells. Arguably the two best teams in the league and inarguably two easy-to-root-for franchises on the verge of breaking through for the first time in the Super Bowl Era. If the version of the Bills defense that got throttled in Los Angeles shows up in Detroit, this one will be over before it begins. But if Buffalo can stop the bleeding, there’s an opportunity for the seemingly invincible Lions to be had. Detroit is still battling the injury bug, and they haven’t faced a quarterback in the same stratosphere as Josh Allen. These issues will be magnified when Josh uses his legs. If the Lions can’t find a way to contain the ground game of the Gravity Hammer, they could be facing their first loss since Week 2.

*The bottom heaviness of lighter helmet-darker unitard strikes again.

**Might have the change this to Buzzsaw Josh Allens.

The Pick: Bills +2.5

Packers-Seahawks would be a matchup of the year contender with Green Bay in their standard road look and Seattle in their throwbacks. But instead we get whatever this is. The White Cheddar alternate is still a sharp* uniform (and the right choice to mitigate vibrant overload). But I still prefer the icy white Packers with a yellow helmet (and would like this look even more with a yellow center stripe to mirror the jersey and pant stripes). I can never get behind the Action Green Seahawks. The neon green is so jarring. Navy pants at least dull the radioactivity to a manageable level. But this much neon has me feeling like Oppenheimer looking out the blast window. Packers lap the field by default.

While the uniform matchup leaves much to be desired, this should be a great football game. The Packers can hang with anyone (and are the last time I’d want to host on Wild Card Weekend). And the Seahawks have returned to firing on their early season cylinders. Could see this one breaking either way. And Lumen Field provides one of the best home field advantages in football. But nothing takes the crowd out of a game like a bruising run game stealing souls five or six yards at a time. Say hello to Josh Jacobs, Seattle.

*Pun intended.

The Pick: Packers -2.5

The big aesthetic news of this one - and by extension the week - is the debut of Minnesota’s Winter Warrior alternate. The Ice Vikings have arrived. And I’m a fan of the uniform for a once-per-year winter game. It successfully borrows from the Cardinals winning recipe of white, silver, and team color. And the “frozen” effect on the numbers vastly improves the usual negative space nightmare. But as much as I like the uniform, it can’t overcome the classic look of the Bears.

You know what, scratch that. The Bears set the interim coach game back 100 years with that lifeless performance in San Francisco. I have a reputation to protect when it comes to interim coach games, so there’s no way I’m riding with Chicago this week. Plus I can’t even count on them to deliver their classic look with no announcement ahead of time; wouldn’t shock me at all to see their navy bodysuit instead. Perhaps they’ll finally show some fight and prove me wrong. But I won’t hold my breath.

The Pick: Vikings -6.5

NOTE - the Bears have yet to reveal their choice of pants.

This one is admittedly a snoozer. So please allow me to use this space to once again remind the Falcons that they have Top 10 uniform wardrobe potential. Time to live up to it, Atlanta. Raiders runs away with one of the most lopsided matchups of the week.

I’m a Kirk Cousins fan. He seems like a genuinely great person. And he’s had an objectively good NFL career - both on the field and financially. But it’s time for a change in Atlanta. You’re middling favorites against a basement dwelling Raiders team. Raise the ceiling. Put Penix in. Until that happens, it’s hard to take the rest of this Falcons season seriously.

The Pick: Raiders +5.5

Worst NFL Uniform Matchup of Week 15.

In an overwhelmingly positive aesthetic week, Commanders-Saints sticks out like a sore thumb. Practice pants, jumbo collars, gradients, and color palette omissions. This one truly has it all (in all the worst ways). Not the worst of the year but it’s certainly earned an honorable mention.

Jake Haener is starting for the Saints. That’s it. That’s the under blurb.

The Pick: Under 44

Best NFL Uniform Matchup of Week 15.

Now we’re talking. First time in league history getting this uniform matchup.* And it’s starting off at the top of the mountain. I’d be all for yellow pants for the Chargers here, but there’s something about this specific color combo that is so perfectly balanced. Textbook complementary contrast to boot with pewter, white, and red pairing brilliantly with powder blue, white, and yellow. I’d sign up for this Super Bowl uniform matchup in a millisecond.

The Bucs offense has been on fire since Week 4 - averaging 30 points per game and never scoring less than 20. And the Chargers certainly haven’t been slouches - averaging 24 points per game since Week 8. If those trends even somewhat hold, we should cruise.

*And first time we’re getting any iteration of pewter-white-pewter against white-powder blue-white.

The Pick: Over 45.5

The Gridiron Uniform Database.

Uniform graphics seen here are courtesy of The Gridiron Uniform Database. If you’ve never paid their site a visit, stop what you’re doing right now and check it out. Best site on the Internet and an invaluable resource to uniform nerds and casuals alike.

Coming Attractions.

You know the drill. Back on Thursday for Broncos-Chargers.

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