Week 9. The true halfway point of the 18-week regular season. We've got six teams on bye, so only twelve games remaining in the weekly slate.

The Eagles were the pick on Thursday and came just short of covering the 14-point spread. And I must admit: when I saw the Texans red helmet ensemble in action, I had a creeping thought that it should have been the pick over the icy white Eagles. But life's too short to live in the past. We've got a great schedule of games this week. Let's dive in.

A quick note on methodology.

As always, I’m analyzing every NFL uniform matchup and picking a winner against the spread based on who dresses best. And just because a team’s wardrobe is ranked higher in the Power Rankings doesn’t mean that it will automatically win the uniform matchup. It’s what you wear in the instant matchup that counts.

I’ll also be crowning the best matchup of the week and shaming the worst matchup of the week. It’s the over for the sharpest matchup and the under for the dullest.

And don’t forget the Triple Mismatch Club. I’m making three units plays whenever the best dressed team in the matchup is a member of the Club (different colored helmet, jersey, and pants). And nine units plays if both members of the week’s best matchup are members.

Keep an eye out for a “NOTE” here and there where teams have not fully unveiled what they will be wearing before the writing of this issue. I’ll make my best guess as to their outfit, and it won’t affect my ability to pick a winner. I’ll also try to update after the fact if possible so each weekly issue can be a reference point for what a team wore on a given week.

Week 9 Uniform Matchups and Picks.

A tale of two teams that cannot quit these subpar uniforms. The Bills are one of the best dressed teams in the league but are establishing the blue unitard (a clear downgrade from the classic blue-over-white ensemble) as their go-to look for reasons that I cannot understand. The Jets are one of the worst dressed teams in the league and are doubling down on that fact by wearing one of the worst outfits in their wardrobe for the fifth time in the last six weeks. If this was a Thursday Night Football game, I'd name it the Make It Stop Bowl. The Bills are the pick here, but both sides earn a demerit.

The Jets are the latest team offered up to the buzzsaw Bills, who are double-digit favorites once again. On its face, this is a battle between the top two teams in the AFC East. But it doesn't feel like a game the Jets have a puncher's chance in. Zach Wilson has been disappointing to say the least, and last week's game against the Patriots was one of his worst. Josh Allen gets all of the press in Buffalo (rightfully so). But this Bills defense has given up the fewest points and yards in the NFL. I expect them to still hold that honor after this one.

The Pick: Bills -10.5 (-110)

I went back and forth on this one. The Bengals have a top 10 uniform wardrobe in the league, but the blackout look may be my least favorite of their outfits. And while I'm higher on the Panthers than most, the microscopic shoulder numbers will never stop driving me crazy. So when it comes down to it, the Bengals unique and excellent helmet allows Cincinnati to carry the day. But this one was much closer than the Power Rankings would suggest.

Both teams are coming off brutal divisional losses last week. The Bengals suffered an absolute beatdown at the hands of the Browns on Halloween Night. And the Panthers were one DJ Moore helmet and two Eddy Pineiro kicks from pulling off an upset in Atlanta.* Cincinnati showed how much it missed Ja'Marr Chase last week, but the Bengals offense is led by Joe Burrow and filled with explosive playmakers. Last week was a wake-up call, and I expect Burrow and the boys to answer in a big way.

*Panthers-Falcons was one of the most electric games of the season. Panthers +4 was a roller coaster for the ages.

The Pick: Bengals -7 (-110)

NOTE - The Panthers have yet to unveil their choice of pants.

Colts at Patriots. I really wish we were getting the red throwbacks in this one. Could've been a contender for best uniform matchup of the year. Regardless, this is still an excellent uniform matchup and was on the shortlist for best of the week. I'm rooting for the Patriots to stick with gray pants, but I have a feeling they're going navy in this one. The Colts are flawless, and they get the nod here as their icy white ensemble is one of the best outfits in the NFL.

The uniforms may be the only things going well for the Colts these days. It feels likely that Jim Irsay will clean house at the end of the season (or sooner). The Sam Ehlinger experience started with a home loss to the Commanders, so it's hard to feel any sense of optimism. And a matchup with Bill Belichick's defense is the last thing Ehlinger and Indianapolis need at this time. But things in the NFL tend to go differently than expected. So here's to hoping the uniform gods intervene in this one and punish the Patriots for not giving us a possible best matchup of the year.

The Pick: Colts +5.5 (-110)

NOTE - The Patriots have yet to unveil their choice of pants.

I'm digging this Dolphins-Bears uniform matchup. The colors play off each other well. If the Dolphins were wearing their white throwbacks, this would have been a slam dunk choice for best matchup of the week. Alas, the Dolphins are stuck in their "Wasted Talent" wardrobe. So the Bears run away with this one.

With Mike McDaniel at the helm and Tua Tagovailoa at quarterback, the Dolphins offense has been humming. Tua is one of our Single Digit Revolution fantasy plays this week, and he's throwing it at will all over the yard to Tyreek Hill, Jaylen Waddle, and Co. The Bears also seem to be coming together offensively since transitioning to a more Justin Fields-friendly offensive scheme. Miami may be the better team on paper, but this feels like a bit of a trap spot. The Dolphins defense has been a glaring weakness and has given up the seventh most yards and eighth most points in the NFL this season. 4.5 points for the Bears looks awfully appealing, and the uniform gods have accommodated us accordingly.

The Pick: Bears +4.5 (-110)

So much potential with Chargers at Falcons. If Atlanta wore one of their throwbacks, this easily would've been crowned as the best matchup of the week. Instead, we're stuck with the same old flawed Falcons ensemble. But I'm eternally optimistic. The Falcons should take notes from their opponent this week. Lean into your well dressed past and create a wardrobe that touches on all of its greatest hits. I can guarantee if Atlanta does just that, they'd rocket into the top 10 of the Power Rankings. Until then, they'll keep making our decisions for us. Chargers in a no brainer.

The first-place Atlanta Falcons. Not sure anyone saw that coming. Admittedly, they're in that position at only 4-4. But it's undeniable that Arthur Smith is doing a fantastic job with one of the most talent depleted rosters in the league. On the other sideline, Brandon Staley has gone from an analytics darling to sitting on one of the hottest coaching seats in football. Sean Payton is literally attending Chargers game like a vulture circling his next meal. If Staley wants to keep his job, the Chargers need to show a bit more urgency coming out of the bye. It doesn't help that Keenan Allen and Mike Williams are both out in this one. But the Falcons have the worst pass defense in the NFL, and the Justin Herbert nuclear game feels imminent.

The Pick: Chargers -2.5 (-110)

NOTE - The Chargers have yet to unveil their choice of pants.

New unitard just dropped. I always celebrate when the Jaguars break out the teal jersey or teal pants. But that doesn't mean I like them paired together. As you fine readers already know, I'm not a fan of the unitard look to begin with. And the in-your-face brightness of teal makes it that much more unbearable. I hope the Raiders treat us to silver numbers soon, but they're the easy choice regardless.

It's hard to get hyped for a matchup between the 2-5 Raiders and 2-6 Jaguars. The Raiders came into the season with big expectations coming off a playoff season and the offseason additions of Davante Adams and Chandler Jones. The Jaguars came into the season with little to no expectations but got everyone's hopes up after a strong 2-1 start (followed by the currently ongoing five-game losing streak). Both teams already feel out of the playoff race, but the loser of this one should start booking January vacation spots.

The Pick: Raiders -2 (-110)

The runner up for worst matchup of the week. The Seahawks wolf gray outfit is so unnecessary. Just wear white. Or if you really insist, wear the white jersey with gray pants. As we've covered before, the Cardinals are the team most in need of a uniform redesign.* Until that happens, we must endure the last gasps of the Panelist Era. In a matchup where the main losers are all of us, someone has to be the pick. I'm going with the Seahawks.

I'm weirdly fired up for this game (and we all better be because it's one of only two games in the afternoon slate). The Seahawks are one of the best stories of the season. And the Cardinals are pure chaotic energy. They're a complete mess, but Kyler can always dust off his magician outfit and pull a rabbit out of his hat. If the Seahawks want to be the new kings of the NFC West, these are the games you need to win. I think they're up to the task.

*I'm cautiously optimistic that we'll be getting new Cardinals uniforms this offseason.

The Pick: Seahawks +2 (-110)

NOTE - The Cardinals have yet to unveil their choice of pants.

Rams at Bucs was on the shortlist for best of the week, but the Rams going with bone gray pants put that possibility to bed. My opinion of the bone gray is well known. While I can somewhat tolerate it as the jersey color with blue pants, it is utterly nonsensical as the pants color with the blue jersey. There are no other gray elements on the uniform. It simply does not work, and it results in the worst outfit in the Rams wardrobe. Tampa Bay always looks sharp in white over pewter, and they're the easy pick.

The 2021 NFC Divisional Playoff matchup between these two feels like 100 years ago. The current iterations of Los Angeles and Tampa Bay are unrecognizable from the teams that played in the instant classic last postseason. I don't think anyone predicted both the Rams and Buccaneers to be in the bottom 10 of points per game eight weeks through the season. And yet, while both teams have underperformed this year, they're both in the thick of their divisional races. The Bucs should have revenge on their mind after last year's playoff loss, and I have no complaints with the uniform gods steering us to their side.

The Pick: Buccaneers -3 (-105)

Between the Chiefs and Titans, we have an all-time classic uniform squaring off against a poorly dressed basement dweller. With that being said, it could be much worse. The Titans ensemble always gets a boost when powder blue makes an appearance. And the colors overall are sharp and complementary. But the glaring flaws in Tennessee's uniform template hold this one back. Chiefs by a mile.

You don't usually see a double digit point spread between two 5-2 teams. Especially when both teams made it to the Divisional Round in the preceding postseason. But football is a funny game. The concerns with the Titans start at the quarterback position. Ryan Tannehill missed last week and is still hobbled with an ankle injury. Reports are that he'll be a game-time decision in this one. But regardless of whether Tannehill goes or not, Derrick Henry is the straw that stirs the Tennessee drink. Kansas City's offensive exploits (made possible by the otherworldly greatness of Patrick Mahomes) are well known. But it's the Chiefs defense that may be the biggest problem for Henry and the Titans. Kansas City has given up the second fewest rushing yards and are tied for seventh best in yards per attempt allowed. If the Titans can't run at will, look for the Chiefs to cover the number with relative ease.

The Pick: Chiefs -12.5 (-110)

NOTE - The Chiefs have yet to unveil their choice of pants.

We're in for a bleak one between the Ravens and Saints - way too much black going on. The Saints continue to perplex with their refusal to wear gold pants. The black unitard has been their go to home uniform for years, and it will never make sense to me. The black-over-gold look is by far the best current outfit in the wardrobe.* But if New Orleans insists upon making questionable uniform decision, I'll continue to back the other horse. I wish the Ravens were wearing purple pants, but they get the nod regardless.

The Saints appeared down and out after their loss to the Cardinals two weeks ago, but the overall ineptitude of the NFC South has left the door open for New Orleans to stay in the playoff race. Andy Dalton may be a bit underwhelming, but he's getting the ball into the hands of his playmakers. And no playmaker is more dangerous when they're on than Alvin Kamara. Speaking of playmakers, Lamar Jackson took care of business in Tampa Bay last week. And the Ravens seem surefooted and in control of the AFC North. New Orleans is a tough place to play (especially on Monday Night Football), but Lamar and the Ravens are no strangers to hostile environments. The Saints are one of eight teams giving up a league-worst two touchdowns per game to opposing quarterbacks over the last three weeks. I like the Ravens to keep their road success going.

*The Saints best outfit used to be their excellent color rush throwbacks. But the fleur-de-lis wrapping paper helmet has changed that uniform from a plus to a minus.

The Pick: Ravens -2 (-110)

Worst NFL Uniform Matchup of Week 9.

It wouldn't be right if the Commanders* all-black abominations never made an appearance in the worst matchup of the week. So I'm here to deliver that dishonor today. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: these Commanders outfits are far and away the worst uniforms in the league. And the camo field design accompanying this ensemble takes the cringe factor to a whole new level. The Vikings round out this worst matchup as a member of the "Wasted Talent" tier. But to be clear, they are the Will Hunting in this one: it's not their fault. More than anything, they aren't able to shake the lead balloon that is the Commanders as they are dragged down to the bottom right along with them. Let's hope this is the last time we see the blackout Commanders this season.

The Vikings are flying high at 6-1 with a stranglehold on the NFC North. Meanwhile, the Commanders have climbed back to .500. Washington may be on the outside looking in on the NFC East race, but they are very much alive in the NFC Wildcard chase. But our focus in this one is on points (and more importantly the lack thereof). The Vikings and Commanders are combining for an average of 42 points allowed per game. So it's no surprise the total is where it's at. Five of the Commanders eight games this year have landed below the number. And the Vikings have yet to clear the number on the road. I like our chances.

*With the news that the Snyders have engaged Bank of America for a possible sale of the franchise, I have to ask: does this mean we could be saved from the dreadful Commanders rebrand? A new owner will likely want to put their own mark on the franchise. Power of positive thinking. Time to restart the Red Tails campaign.

The Pick: Under 43.5 (-115)

NOTE - The Vikings have yet to unveil their choice of pants.

Best NFL Uniform Matchup of Week 9.

I've been saying all season the Lions have been growing on me. But last week they let me down big time going with the gray bodysuit. And yet here they are in the best matchup of the week opposite the Green Bay Packers. Call me Michael Corleone because just when I thought I was out, Detroit pulled me back in. It's admittedly a bit of a down week* in terms of uniform battles, but this is an undeniably strong matchup. The colors really pop and are excellent complements. I'm excited to see this NFC Norris Division showdown on the screen.

Things seem to be going from bad to worse for the Packers and Lions. So at least this will be a get-right game for someone. But for our purposes, it's all about the points. And the Packers and Lions have been no stranger to fireworks in their matchups over the past two years. In those previous four meetings, the average total was 59 points. Let's hope that trend continues.

*Glass half full: while it'd be nice for every week to feature multiple elite uniform matchups, the down weeks are a nice way to showcase excellent matchups that otherwise wouldn't have a chance at the top spot. Packers-Lions is a great example of such a matchup.

The Pick: Over 49.5 (-110)

The Gridiron Uniform Database.

The uniform graphics you see here are courtesy of The Gridiron Uniform Database. If you’ve never paid their site a visit, stop what you’re doing right now and check it out. It is my favorite site on the Internet and an invaluable resource to uniform nerds and casual fans alike. This is especially the case during the season. I check the site multiple times a day to keep tabs on who’s wearing what.

Drop me a line.

You can always find me on Twitter at NFL Fashion Advice (@fashion_nfl) or via email at [email protected]. Come talk uniforms and all things football, and let me know what you think of the newsletter.

Coming Attractions.

We’ll be back in a few days for Week 10 with the Thursday Night Football Uniform Matchup and some Single Digit Revolution fantasy plays.

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