We’re almost to the halfway point of the NFL season. But more importantly, it feels like we’re at the mountaintop of the NFL aesthetic. Some truly glorious individual uniforms and overall uniform matchups are on display this week. People can criticize the state of NFL uniforms all they want, but I truly feel like we are experiencing the start of a golden age - filled with sharp primaries and elite throwbacks and alternates. Yes, there are still some stragglers and dead weight holding us back, but weeks like this one convince me the proverbial glass is half full. Let’s have some fun.

A quick note on methodology.

As always, I’m analyzing every NFL uniform matchup and picking a winner against the spread based on who dresses best. And just because a team is ranked higher in the Uniform Wardrobe Power Rankings doesn’t mean it will automatically win the uniform matchup. It’s what you wear in the instant matchup that counts.

Week 8 Uniform Matchups and Picks.

What better way to start than with the return of the Oilers throwbacks. And would you look at that? A rare color-on-color* NFL matchup. The Titans haven’t worn this Oilers outfit since 1997 - their first season in Tennessee. And there’s no way I’d pick any other uniform here (even if the Falcons were wearing their own excellent throwbacks). Wish we got the Tennessee Oilers every week, but we’ll make this one count.

While aesthetic spirits will be high with these throwbacks, football spirits in Tennessee may be approaching rock bottom. But don’t fully check out yet, Titans fans. Things may look bleak, but Will Levis - Billy Jeans himself - may just be the savior you didn’t know you had.

*I have an admittedly complicated stance on color-on-color uniform matchups. In a vacuum, I have no issue with it so long as the colors feature complementary contrast. However, I feel for the colorblind amongst us. And it is an incredibly slippery slope. If the league allows it wholesale, we’ll constantly be seeing nightmares like Browns-Broncos** in 2019. And my big concern is teams abandoning white as a color altogether. Imagine the Rams rocking blue at home and yellow on the road. Or the Bears in blue and orange. Or the Falcons in black and red. Criticize me all you want for hating on color-on-color, but there is a method to my madness.

**Look it up.

The Pick: Titans +3

Any other slate, Jaguars at Steelers would have a puncher’s chance at best of the week. But the competition is at an all-time high in Week 8. Regardless, this uniform matchup is going to be a delight. Jacksonville knocked it out of the park with their decision to go with teal pants. And the Steelers can do no wrong in black-black-yellow. Pittsburgh gets the nod, but kudos all around.

In addition to being a sneaky great uniform matchup, Jaguars-Steelers is the sneaky best football game of the week. Jacksonville is rolling and looking like a bona fide Super Bowl contender. And Pittsburgh has the look and feel of a team with an elite defense that can get hot at the right time and win it all. The Jags may have the quarterback edge, but I like the Steelers at home.

The Pick: Steelers +2.5

Nice little Triple Mismatch Club showdown between the Rams and Cowboys. Los Angeles is rocking the best uniform in their wardrobe, and it’s always fun to see Dallas go navy (although I get more of a kick out of it when they’re forced* to do so on the road). I especially enjoy the recent trend of the Cowboys pairing white pants with the navy jersey. It allows each element to pop and especially so with the pants stripe. I have this as a virtual tie, so the Power Rankings steer us toward the Cowboys.

In addition to being a sharp uniform matchup, Rams-Cowboys should be a good football game. The Rams started off well against the Steelers but lost all momentum in the second half. The Cowboys are coming off the bye and looking for their first back-to-back win since Week 2. Any hope for Los Angeles begins and ends with Matt Stafford, Cooper Kupp, and the rest of the offense. They’ve yet to lose a game this season when scoring 24 or more points. Unfortunately for them (and fortunately for us), the Cowboys are giving up the fewest points per game in the league at 17. If Dallas can hold that line and keep with their offensive trend of 26 points per game, the cover is there for the taking.

*Aesthetic gamesmanship always gets bonus points in my book.

The Pick: Cowboys -6

Lost in the throwback shuffle this week are the Dolphins retro icy whites. Admittedly, I prefer the 90s era Dolphins wardrobe, but these are still elite.* To our collective delight, the Patriots finally brought back the silver pants last week. But I’m anticipating a return to the navy unitard. Regardless of the New England pants choice, Miami is the obvious choice.

The Patriots kept any hopes of relevance this season alive with a win against the Bills last week. And the Dolphins lost a tough one against the Eagles. It was a bit of a ref show, but the game was over when Tua threw a pop-fly interception down seven in the fourth quarter. I have always been a Tua believer and nothing about last week shook that faith. I think there’s a very real chance the Eagles and Dolphins could be in for a Super Bowl rematch. And I like Miami to get right in a big way against the anemic Patriots offense.**

*Yearly reminder that six-year-old NFL Fashion Advice thought the Dolphins logo was a Dolphin jumping through a ring of fire.

**Welcome back, Jalen Ramsey.

The Pick: Dolphins -8

NOTE - The Patriots have yet to reveal their choice of pants.

Saints at Colts should’ve been a “party like it’s Super Bowl XLIV” matchup, but New Orleans continues to be allergic to gold pants. I got a lot of grief for putting the Saints at No. 28 in the Uniform Wardrobe Power Rankings. But they continue to vindicate me, and it’s hard to come to any conclusion other than this is an aesthetically unserious organization.* Colts easily.

The Saints and Colts feel like teams that will be competitive each week but will ultimately be left out of the playoff party. However, they’re both intriguing in their own way. New Orleans continues to be one of my favorite defensive watches in the league. And Gardner Minshew is always easy to root for. My biggest takeaway from the Colts in recent weeks is rookie wide receiver Josh Downs. He’s an electric playmaker and should be a nice target for Tony Bananas for years to come. The difference in this one may just come down to explosive plays, and I think Downs and Co. can deliver.

*Is that a bit harsh? Sure. But I will always hold the teams with higher aesthetic potential to higher standards. And the Saints are one of those teams.

The Pick: Colts +2

Meadowlands Mania. The Battle for New York New Jersey. Jets versus Giants is always a fun occasion on the NFL calendar. But this uniform matchup leaves a lot to be desired - especially when a throwback-versus-throwback matchup was there for the taking (and would’ve been before the home crowd for both teams). Giants are the pick. But oh what could’ve been.

Tyrod Taylor is in line for start number three, and the Jets defense may be his toughest task yet - especially with the expected returns of Sauce Gardner and DJ Reed. But the story of the Giants resurgence over the last two weeks begins and ends with the defense. The previously porous unit gave up 21 points combined to the Bills and Commanders. And the stingy streak should continue against Zach Wilson and the Jets.

The Pick: Giants +3

Vikings-Packers is always a decent looking NFC North showdown. Far from best of the week but purple, green, and yellow make for an interesting color combination. Minnesota has some flaws that still drive me nuts (black facemask, number font, and doorstop shoulder stripes), so Green Bay gets the nod.

The Vikings seemed dead to rights, but three wins in their last four has them clinging to hopes of a playoff run (and even an outside shot at the NFC North crown). The Packers are the bizarro Vikings. After a promising start to the season, Green Bay has dropped three straight and all signs are pointing to the Packers facing 2023 irrelevance and a 2024 offseason quarterback search. If I’ve learned anything from football, it’s that trends are ever-changing. One second you think you have a team figured out and the next second the opposite happens. Let’s hope that’s the case here and trajectories flip again - starting with a Packers cover.

The Pick: Packers +1

NOTE - The Vikings have yet to reveal their choice of pants.

Texans at Panthers presents a battle between a couple of expansion teams. Houston shows what can go wrong with an expansion look - generic and unimaginative.* While Carolina shows what can go right - unique and inspired. Panthers all the way.

The big storyline here is the quarterback showdown between the first and second picks of the 2023 NFL Draft. It’s been a tale of two very different outcomes to start. CJ Stroud is the rookie of the year front runner while the Texans are a surprise playoff contender in the AFC. On the other hand, Bryce Young has looked overmatched while the Panthers have been the worst team in football. But Bryce is due for his first win, and now’s as good a time as any with the eyes of the football world upon him.

*I continue to be bullish on the Texans upcoming redesign. I think the team will lean into a more red-centric look while incorporating a much desired (and needed) dose of light blue.

The Pick: Panthers +3.5

NOTE - The Panthers have yet to reveal their choice of pants.

The Eagles are rolling out the midnight pants for the first time this season. And the Commanders continue to roll out the worst wardrobe in the league on a weekly basis. No need to beat a dead horse. Eagles in an easy decision.

Believe it or not, we’re not even halfway through the season and Philly and Washington are about to wrap up their season series. The Eagles won 34-31 in overtime only four weeks ago. Since then, Philadelphia has fortified their position as the team to beat in the NFC and Washington has basically done the opposite. Ron Rivera continues to be a leading candidate for first coach fired as the Commanders have dropped four of their last five. Everything screams that this game should be close: Eagles coming off of an emotional win and a divisional game that went the distance last time. But something tells me the Commanders are more focused on their coach’s future and who’s going where at the trade deadline. I like the Eagles in a surprise rout.

The Pick: Eagles -6.5

NOTE - The Commanders have yet to reveal their choice of pants.

Bengals at 49ers is going to have us partying like it’s Super Bowls XVI and XXIII. Nos. 2 and 3 in the Uniform Wardrobe Power Rankings - what’s not to like? While I prefer this uniform matchup with the Bengals in orange-black-white and the Niners in gold-red-gold, this is still an excellent showdown. San Francisco - as they did in the aforementioned Super Bowls - takes the cake. But I’m looking forward to seeing these outfits in action.

The Bengals are fresh off the bye, and the 49ers are fresh off dropping two in a row. Brock Purdy was in concussion protocol during the week. But it’s looking like he’ll be good to go, which is welcome news for the Niners. While the Bengals have the clear quarterback advantage with Joe Burrow, don’t overlook Purdy. He leads the league in success rate and EPA per dropback and - most importantly - he has Kyle Shanahan in his ear calling plays. I like San Francisco to avoid three straight losses and cover the number while doing so.

The Pick: 49ers -3.5

Ravens at Cardinals. Icy white Baltimore against red unitard Arizona. No need to overanalyze this one. Ravens in a landslide.

All eyes were on Kyler Murray’s status heading into this week. His injury designation was finally removed, but his “doubtful” status shows that we’re likely another week or two away from his return to action.* So it’s still the Josh Dobbs show in Arizona, and that should be music to Baltimore’s ears. Defensive coordinator Mike Macdonald has the Ravens defense firing on all cylinders. And offensive coordinator Todd Monken has Lamar Jackson in striking distance of his second MVP award. I expect Baltimore to cruise.

*My money is on Week 10 at home against the Falcons.

The Pick: Ravens -8

Chiefs at Broncos tends to leave much to be desired. The red and orange clash is unavoidable, so it would have been an ideal spot for Denver to break out the navy alternate.* The Chiefs are the pick regardless.

Like the Eagles and Commanders above, the Chiefs and Broncos will also be wrapping up their season series early this year. In their first meeting - only two football weeks ago - Kansas City took care of business 19-8. Nothing has really changed since then, and the Broncos are even more distracted by next week’s trade deadline. Divisional matchups can always get wonky, but the Broncos have no business hanging around in this one.

*Throw it on the ever-growing pile of missed uniform opportunities.

The Pick: Chiefs -7

NOTE - Both teams have yet to reveal their choice of pants.

We’re in for a doozy with Bears at Chargers. Some of the best looks in football on Sunday Night Football. This may be a controversial opinion, but I prefer the road uniform of the Bears to the home uniform - the helmet/jersey contrast goes a long way. And, as always, the Chargers can do no wrong. Los Angeles is the pick, but I’m just excited to see this one under the lights.

It was quite the debut from Tyson Bagent. And D’Onta Foreman reminded the football world he’s one of the most underappreciated running backs in the league. But the Bears are still completely outclassed on paper against the Chargers. This may sound silly when you consider the Chargers are a 2-4 mess with one of the worst coaches in the NFL. But the talent advantage is undeniable. And what good is a talent advantage if you don’t flex it every now and again? I expect Justin Herbert and the boys to light up the night’s sky against the lowly Bears. And I further expect Khalil Mack to give a not-so-warm welcome to the new quarterback of his former team.

The Pick: Chargers -8.5

NOTE - Both teams have yet to reveal their choice of pants.

Worst NFL Uniform Matchup of Week 8.

Just because you can doesn’t mean you should. No phrase better sums up this Lions alternate disaster. The gray unitard was bad enough, but the new blue helmet somehow makes it worse. A blue alternate helmet for Detroit is fine in a vacuum, but the satin finish gives the helmet a peculiar shine and makes the shade a touch too light (differing from the blue accents on the jersey). The logo is also a miss: the horizontal bars don’t work and just because a logo is old doesn’t mean it’s good. To add insult to injury, I can’t think of a worse uniform counterpart for this debut than the Raiders. Silver and gray overload. And our only burst of non-neutral color is the disappointing helmet. Low marks all around and an easy choice for worst of the week.

Raiders at Lions is a battle between two teams that got stomped on the road last week. While I expected much more from Las Vegas against the Bears, the result tracked with a team that was overachieving at .500. But I never thought I’d see this Lions team get absolutely shellacked the way they did against the Ravens. I expect both squads to have better showings in this one - especially on the defensive side on the ball. And for our purposes, let’s hope they keep the scoring to a minimum.

The Pick: Under 46.5

Best NFL Uniform Matchup of Week 8.

It’s been a glorious year for throwbacks. And the silver and royal Seahawks may be the best of the bunch.* The color palette pops, the helmet logo is fantastic, but what sets it apart is the shoulder logo - somehow blending logo and stripe all in one. My only tweak in a hypothetical redesign would be incorporating the “Angry Seahawk” of the current design in place of the more lackadaisical Seahawk of the throwback. But that’s the pickiest of nits. The Browns are an ideal counterpart for this matchup. While I was rooting for orange pants, they could truly do no wrong. And the Triple Mismatch Club road uniform is one of my favorites. Top marks all around, but the Seahawks obviously run away with this one. Just get me to the late slate.

I admittedly was taken aback by how low this line is.** Something stinks. Yes the Browns have one of the best defenses in the league, but we just watched them participate in a 39-38 wild one in Indianapolis. Meanwhile, the Seahawks have a sneaky explosive offense and are putting up 24 points per game. I’m sure we’re walking into a trap, but I’ll walk into it with a smile on my face lost in royal and green bliss.

*I go back and forth constantly about which throwback look is my favorite. I genuinely cannot decide. It’s like picking a favorite child.

**I’m particularly intrigued by a Falcons-Oilers / Brown-Seahawks over teaser. The Uniform Gods are begging us to do it.

The Pick: Over 37.5

The Gridiron Uniform Database.

The uniform graphics you see here are courtesy of The Gridiron Uniform Database. If you’ve never paid their site a visit, stop what you’re doing right now and check it out. Best site on the Internet and an invaluable resource to uniform nerds and casuals alike.

Coming Attractions.

Another uniform week in the books. You know the drill. Back for more on Thursday.

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