Welcome to Week 17 and the Thursday Night Football finale. Time flies when you’re having fun.

We already had the One That Got Away Bowl back in Week 2. But the “oh what could’ve been” backup quarterback energy in New York for Joe Flacco demands that we run it back. Ladies and gentlemen, the Another One That Got Away Bowl!

A quick note on methodology.

As always, I’m analyzing every NFL uniform matchup and picking a winner against the spread based on who dresses best. And just because a team is ranked higher in the Uniform Wardrobe Power Rankings doesn’t mean it will automatically win the uniform matchup. It’s what you wear in the instant matchup that counts.

Looking back at Week 16.

9-7 on the week. 126-106-8 on the year. 20 games over .500. Two regular season weeks left. Let’s finish strong.

Thursday Night Football Uniform Matchup.

Jets at Browns with a pseudo yin and yang uniform matchup worthy of the holidays. I prefer the Jets in green-green-white. But if you’re going to break out a green bodysuit, it might as well be against a team in all white three days after Christmas. The Browns whiteout look has been a high point of the aesthetic season. And I especially appreciate Cleveland rocking it three times and mothballing the dreadful brown practice uniform.* Browns in a no brainer.

Joe Flacco and Amari Cooper are the most electric QB-WR duo in Cleveland since Derek Anderson and Braylon Edwards.** Combined with a generational defense, these Browns have a puncher’s chance to shock the world and make it to Vegas for Super Bowl LVIII. Speaking of strong defenses, the Jets continue to be potent on that side of the ball. With that being said, they did almost blow it against out-of-the-bullpen Jacoby Brissett and the lowly Commanders. Plus this Browns defense against this Jets offense would be illegal in most states. But Ohio was the original wild west*** for a reason. I like the Browns to punch their postseason ticket in emphatic fashion.

*Check out Bucs-Browns for one of the aesthetic low points of the 2022 season.

**This is a compliment.

***Northwest Territory reference for you history buffs.

The Pick: Browns -7

Bonus: Saturday Uniform Matchup.

Lions at Cowboys won’t be competing for best of the week. But it should be serviceable if the Lions avoid white practice pants. It’s always nice to see the Cowboys mix it up with navy jerseys at home. I like when they pair white pants with the navy jersey at home and silver pants on the road. But it’s a sharp look regardless. Dallas all the way.

Lions-Cowboys could go any way and it wouldn’t surprise me. When these teams are on, they’re among the best squads in football. But they also have a tendency to no show (in spots both big and small). Detroit is coming off the emotional high of winning the division for the first time since 1993 (and the first time ever winning the NFC North as currently named and constructed). And Dallas is coming off the emotional low of dropping a close one in Miami. Hungry dog runs faster, so consider me content to be riding with the Cowboys.

The Pick: Cowboys -6

NOTE - Both teams have yet to reveal their choice of pants.

Club SDR - Week 17 Player Props.

2-1 on the week. 31-17 on the season. Nice little year for the Single Digit Revolution. Like I said earlier, time to finish strong.

Dak Prescott - Over 278.5 Passing Yards

As noted above, I think the Cowboys need this one more than the Lions and act accordingly. And if you’re going to beat Detroit, there’s no better path than through the air. The Lions are are giving up the ninth most passing yards to opposing quarterbacks while Dak is averaging 304 passing yards per game at home. Set fire to the Rayne.*

*Surprising first names for $800, Alex.

Baker Mayfield - Over 233.5 Passing Yards

I’ve always been a Baker guy, and I couldn’t be happier for the former first overall pick now that he’s found a place to stick with the Bucs. The dude is always at his best when playing with a chip on his shoulder. The Saints could’ve gone with Mayfield instead of Carr for a fraction of the cost. I think Baker reminds them of that fact while clearing the number and slamming the door on New Orleans in the NFC South.

Bijan Robinson - Over 51.5 Rushing Yards

As impressive as Bijan has looked at times this season, his rookie season has been a mixed bag overall. But because he’s in the enigmatic Falcons offense, it’s likely the bigger holder of said mixed bag is Arthur Smith. The Bears have been solid against the run this season (especially after adding Montez Sweat), but I like Bijan to end the season on a high note. And this is a very clearable number.

The Gridiron Uniform Database.

The uniform graphics you see here are courtesy of The Gridiron Uniform Database. If you’ve never paid their site a visit, stop what you’re doing right now and check it out. Best site on the Internet and an invaluable resource to uniform nerds and casuals alike.

Coming Attractions.

Keep an eye out for the Week 17 full slate breakdown to drop Sunday morning. Because we live in a world without an NFL uniform scheduling czar, we’re at the mercy of the teams deciding and announcing their uniform combos each week. Where it’s not 100% clear before posting, I’ll make a best guess and update after the fact for posterity.

Be sure to subscribe and share this newsletter far and wide. And always remember: Look Good. Feel Good. Pay Good.