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- Bets Dressed - Week 16 - Thursday Night Football Uniform Matchup and Fantasy Plays
Bets Dressed - Week 16 - Thursday Night Football Uniform Matchup and Fantasy Plays
It's Christmas Week* in the NFL. And we've got another three-issue week on tap for the Bets Dressed newsletter. To get things rolling in Week 16, we're saving the worst for first. Jaguars at Jets may be the most uninspiring uniform game of the week, but - for the first time in recent memory - a late season Jags-Jets game has real playoff implications.
Ladies and gentlemen, the Surprisingly Relevant Bowl!
*More like Costanza Week: we will do the opposite. Down is up and up is down. Best primetime game of the week? Thursday Night Football. Worst primetime game of the week? Sunday Night Football. Main slate? Let's do Saturday. Madness. And I am here for it.
A quick note on methodology.
As always, I’m analyzing every NFL uniform matchup and picking a winner against the spread based on who dresses best. And just because a team’s wardrobe is ranked higher in the Power Rankings doesn’t mean that it will automatically win the uniform matchup. It’s what you wear in the instant matchup that counts.
And don’t forget the Triple Mismatch Club wrinkle. I’m making three unit plays whenever the best dressed team in the matchup is a member of the Club (different colored helmet, jersey, and pants). And nine unit plays if both members of the week’s best matchup are members.
Week 15 Recap.
Before we discuss Thursday Night Football and Week 16 Fantasy Plays, let’s take a look back at Week 15:
9-6-1. Back on track after a rough three weeks. But we only have three weeks left in the regular season plus a grand total of 13 games in the postseason. Need to keep this up for a strong finish.
Thursday Night Football Uniform Matchup (and Worst NFL Uniform Matchup of Week 16).
Nothing like starting the week with the worst uniform matchup. Like a child that doesn't want to eat their green vegetables, best to hold your nose and get it out of the way first. Except these vegetables are not green,* they're black and white. The Jets blackout uniform is very been-there-done-that and one of the lazier tropes in sports. And the Jaguars icy white outfit is among the worst in the league - exacerbated by the white practice pants and complete lack of teal throughout the uniform. Together, they present a no-brainer case for worst matchup of the week.
If this were any other year, we'd be doubling down on the awfulness of the uniform matchup with the awfulness of the football game itself. But the times they are a-changin'. The Jaguars and Jets are competent football teams with bright futures (and the former even has its quarterback for the next 10-15 years). But it's all about the under for our purposes here. The Jets top five defense is giving up only 19 points per game this season. And Zach Wilson averages a measly 18 points per game in his career as a starter. Looks like we're destined to be right on the number. In the uniform gods we trust.
*Ironically enough, variants of green are the colors for both of these teams. And yet there are only trace elements of the color in these ensembles. Woof.
The Pick: Under 37 (-110)
Club SDR - Week 16 Fantasy Plays.
Last week was a real heartbreaker in Single Digit Revolution land. Travis Etienne came through, but Ken Walker and Isaiah McKenzie fell just short (failing to clear their numbers by a combined six yards). Ouch. In keeping with the spirit of Costanza Week, let's do the opposite and try something different. Time to exit Club SDR and try our luck with unders at the Ugly Number Emporium.
Evan Engram - Under 41.5 Receiving Yards (-115)
I have been and always will be someone that advocates for players being allowed to wear whatever number they want. You're a quarterback that wants to channel your inner-Otto Graham and wear 60? Fine. You're a running back that idolizes Marion Motley and wants to honor him with 76? Love it. You're a defensive back that thinks Dick "Night Train" Lane was the greater corner with the greatest nickname ever and you just need to rock 81? Do you. But with great power comes great responsibility. And just because you can do something doesn't mean people won't mock you for it. Enter Evan Engram wearing 17.* Allowable under the current uniform rules but just doesn't look good.
*Numbers in the teens are rough in general outside of wide receiver and quarterback rooms. And even then, those guys tend to look better in single digits.
Rhamondre Stevenson - Under 108.5 Total Yards (-115)
Full disclosure: I love the way Rhamondre Stevenson plays the game. He's on my shortlist of current favorite players. He's a do-it-all workhorse with an elite blend of power, wiggle, and pass-catching ability. But the man could use a number change. 38 leaves a lot to be desired. I said at the beginning of the season that Rhamondre would lead the league in rushing if he wore a number in the single digits, and I stand by it.
Darius Slayton - Under 48.5 Receiving Yards (-115)
Last and least on this list is Darius Slayton. I have no issue with receivers wearing numbers in the 80s.* In fact, I love it. it makes me nostalgic for the time when it's all receivers could wear. But 86* has always looked gross lined up on the outside.
*I do wish the NFL would open up the 80s to defensive linemen and linebackers. Don't agree? Just google Jack Youngblood, Alan Page, Buck Buchanan, and Nick Buoniconti (to name a select few) and consider your mind changed.
**The only exception to this is Hines Ward. But that's likely because he was such a tough SOB that he'd pull off any number (and best of luck making fun of him for it to his face).
The Gridiron Uniform Database.
The uniform graphics you see here are courtesy of The Gridiron Uniform Database. If you’ve never paid their site a visit, stop what you’re doing right now and check it out. It is my favorite site on the Internet and an invaluable resource to uniform nerds and casual fans alike.
Drop me a line.
You can always find me on Twitter at NFL Fashion Advice (@fashion_nfl) or via email at [email protected]. Come talk uniforms and all things football, and let me know what you think of the newsletter.
Coming Attractions.
We’ve got the main slate on Saturday for Christmas Eve this week. So Bets Dressed Week 16 coverage will be back with the main edition on Saturday detailing the Saturday and Monday Night games. Then it’s a special Christmas Day issue for the three Sunday games.
Look for the Saturday and Sunday issues to hit your inbox prior to the earliest kickoff. As I’ve noted previously, we live in a world without a uniform scheduling czar, so it’s sometimes a chore finding out a team’s wardrobe ahead of time. In instances where it’s not 100% clear, I’ll make a best guess and update the issue later.
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And always remember: Look Good. Feel Good. Pay Good.