What a Week 15 it has been. Thursday and Saturday down. Sunday and Monday to go. We’ve got a handful of gems on the docket today (and another already occurred on Thursday). But best of the week goes beyond aesthetics for something more newsworthy (and undeniably petty). Strap in. It’s go time.

A quick note on methodology.

As always, I’m analyzing every NFL uniform matchup and picking a winner against the spread based on who dresses best. And just because a team is ranked higher in the Uniform Wardrobe Power Rankings doesn’t mean it will automatically win the uniform matchup. It’s what you wear in the instant matchup that counts.

Week 15 Uniform Matchups and Picks.

The Battle of the Bays. This iteration of Buccaneers at Packers consistently delivers as a strong uniform matchup. An NFC Central throwback to the late 90s and early 2000s.* The Bucs earned their way into the Top 5 of the Uniform Wardrobe Power Rankings this offseason, and they are the pick here.

With only four games left, there are playoff implications everywhere you look. And that’s especially the case in this one. The Bucs currently hold the tiebreaker lead in the NFC South. And the Packers currently hold the tiebreaker lead for the last NFC playoff spot. This December showdown in Lambeau is closely matched. The Bucs are 16th in offensive expected points and 19th in defensive expected points. The Packers are 10th in offensive expected points and 18th in defensive expected points. The X Factor here will likely come down to quarterback play. And I’m content to be riding with Baker and the points.

*Reminds me of Warren Sapp chasing down Brett Favre.

The Pick: Buccaneers +3.5

Bears at Browns in a clash of classic uniforms. Emphasis on clash with the navy elements of Chicago going against the brown elements of Cleveland. Fortunately, the Browns broke out the orange pants. This would be an ideal spot for the Bears to go icy white for the first time since 2009, but I won’t hold my breath. Two incredibly sharp individual looks that pair for a decent but flawed matchup. Cleveland gets the edge.

Imagine telling someone in Week 4 that Justin Fields versus Joe Flacco would be a must-watch quarterback matchup with playoff implications. But here we are. Fields is making his case to be the quarterback of the future in Chicago.* And Flacco is gearing up for one last playoff run (and leading a team that could absolutely steal a game or two in the postseason). As for which quarterback will come out on top, give me age before beauty.

*If I ran the Bears, I’m drafting Marvin Harrison Jr. first overall and not thinking twice. I’m not sold on this quarterback class at the top. And while I recognize the benefits of trading the top pick for more picks, MHJ is as can’t miss as any player I can remember coming out. Then use the other first round pick to take best player available or trade down and accumulate more draft capital.

The Pick: Browns -3

NOTE - The Bears have yet to reveal their choice of pants.

Falcons at Panthers in a shot-for-shot remake of last year’s Week 10 matchup. Although it won’t be exactly the same with the Panthers rocking the blackout look for the first time since fully incorporating Process Blue, which continues to be a subtle but massive improvement. The Falcons mercifully matched the Panthers in all black with their icy white look.* But Carolina is the pick with a Top 3 blackout look in the NFL.**

As covered in previous weeks, it’s hard to imagine a worse debut season for Bryce Young. And it’s even harder to imagine things getting better these last four weeks. The Falcons are in a three-way tie for first place in the NFC South and can’t afford to drop one here. When taking a look at this matchup, there’s not much going for Carolina - especially when you factor in the sneaky great play of the Falcons defense. But perhaps an aesthetic edge is all they need. The Panthers are 1-0 rocking the black helmet (both all-time and against the Falcons). 2-0 and we’ll know the Uniform Gods are pleased.

*Black pants from Atlanta would’ve meant five out of six black uniform elements in the matchup.

**The Panthers just need to feature a clear decal or otherwise superimpose the helmet logo without conflicting shades/textures of black.

The Pick: Panthers +3

Jets at Dolphins in as good of a uniform matchup as you’ll see from the current version of these wardrobes. The Jets have their myriad of flaws, but the shade of green is sharp. And the Dolphins always look best in white over white.* Miami is the selection.

The Dolphins are likely going to regret dropping that game against the Titans when it comes to the home field advantage race. But more pressing for the Dolphins is a scenario where the Bills could catch them from behind in the AFC East. Best way to prevent that from happening is taking care of business against the Jets. New York put on a defensive masterclass (and a sneaky good Zach Wilson performance) against the Texans last week. But I expect Mike McDaniel to dip into his bag of tricks** to get the Dolphins back on track.

*I like that Miami is primarily a white-at-home team. Makes the appearance of aqua a special occasion.

**Although McDaniel shouldn’t count on any miracle Hail Mary interception returns this time.

The Pick: Dolphins -8.5

Chiefs at Patriots would make for a decent matchup with New England in silver pants. So I’m holding out hope for the Patriots to do the right thing - but I’ve learned not to count on it. The Chiefs uniform is best suited for the road with some helmet and jersey contrast. And Kansas City is the clear choice here.

In the days of Tom Brady, this was a marquee matchup. No longer. As long as the Chiefs ensure Kadarius Toney remains on his side of the field of play (or off the field entirely), Kansas City should roll.

The Pick: Chiefs -8

NOTE - Both teams have yet to reveal their choice of pants.

Giants at Saints is an aesthetic showdown that fails to live up to its potential. While this is the latest example of a game that would benefit from some Giants gray pants, the issue here lies with the Saints and the continued omission of gold pants. Par for the course. New York it is.

The Tommy DeVito hype is for real. After upsetting the Packers on Monday Night Football, Tommy Cutlets is the latest Prince of the City. Derek Carr is the farthest thing from the Prince of New Orleans. But the Saints got back in the win column last week against Panthers (despite a malnourished statline from Carr). My head tells me the Saints make it two in a row. But Dean Martin just gave my head a kick. Cutlets Forever.

The Pick: Giants +5.5

49ers at Cardinals in a delightful but unexpected re-run of the Best NFL Uniform Matchup of Week 4. I say unexpected because the Cardinals have pleasantly surprised us all with the first ever appearance of their excellent icy white uniforms at home. Since Arizona unveiled these beauties, I’ve been making the case for the Cardinals to join the likes of the Cowboys and Dolphins as a primarily white-at-home team. While I don’t think that will happen any time soon, I’m beyond thrilled with the occasional appearance like this week. The 49ers can do no wrong and would be the pick most weeks, but the Cardinals deserve this one for mixing it up.

The last time these teams met, Josh Dobbs was the quarterback of the Cardinals. And despite being completely outmatched, Arizona made it an interesting game before the Niners pulled away late. With Kyler Murray under center now, the Cardinals ceiling is undeniably higher. And it’s showed with Arizona going 2-2 since his return after starting 1-8. But no one is playing better than San Francisco. The 49ers are an undeniable buzzsaw. With that said, division games get weird and anything can happen in a desert snowstorm.

The Pick: Cardinals +12.5

Cowboys at Bills. Party like it’s Super Bowls XXVII and XXVIII. The Bills rose to the occasion by leaving the blueberry unitard in the closet. And the Cowboys always dress for a sharp matchup - the ultimate complementary contrast team. Any other week, this would be right up there for best of the week. While Dallas would typically be my pick here, I’m proud of Buffalo for doing the right thing. And they get the nod as a result.

The game of the week. And for the Bills, another game to save their year. The Cowboys are coming into Buffalo as one of the hottest teams in football. And Dak Prescott has positioned himself as an MVP shortlister.* But - as Chris Berman told us time and time again - nobody circles the wagons like the Buffalo Bills.

*You won’t find Josh Allen on many MVP shortlists. But I continue to believe he has a legitimate case. If the Bills can make the playoffs (or shock the world and win the AFC East), don’t be shocked when he starts getting more mainstream buzz.

The Pick: Bills -1.5

Coming into the season, I had Ravens at Jaguars circled as a sneaky best of the week contender. I loved last year’s matchup, which featured the Ravens in black-white-purple and the Jags in black-black-teal. And I was hoping for them to run it back this year on Sunday Night Football. But we can’t always get what we want. The tealout look has grown on me for what it is. But at the end of the day, it’s still a practice pant unitard. The Ravens also leave much to be desired in their least inspired road outfit (also featuring stripeless pants). I’m not mad, just disappointed. And in my disappointment, I’m declaring this a tie. Tiebreaker goes to the higher-ranked Ravens.

The Ravens are coming off my favorite football game of the season in an overtime thriller against the Rams. And the Jags are coming off a tough loss in Cleveland.* The Jaguars won this showdown 28-27 last year as part of a season-saving turnaround. And I think Baltimore has had revenge on their mind ever since. No better way to get even than on national television.

*I still can’t get over Trevor Lawrence playing in that game six days after a high ankle sprain. Tough as nails.

The Pick: Ravens -3.5

Eagles at Seahawks in the runner-up worst of the week matchup. I will never understand why the Eagles wear white pants against the Chiefs but midnight green pants against the Seahawks here. A dark and dreary affair worthy of the Pacific Northwest in December. As perplexed as I am by the Eagles pants choice, they still are the choice over the all-navy Seahawks.

If you looked ahead at the schedule back in Week 10, you’d have Eagles-Seahawks marked down as a possible marquee matchup. But four straight losses by Seattle has this as a get-right spot for Philadelphia more than anything else. The Eagles haven’t looked like their 2022 selves all season, and the narrative this week has danced around the word “fraud”. While I’m not as high on the Eagles as I was last year, I still think they’re a bona fide Super Bowl contender - especially in a season as wide open as this one. And I think they’re primed to remind the world of that fact on Monday Night Football.

The Pick: Eagles -3

Worst NFL Uniform Matchup of Week 15.

Commanders at Rams. The gradient number bowl. When I saw the Eagles were going green pants against the all-navy Seahawks, I genuinely considered dropping it in the bottom spot. But the Rams pairing bone pants with this ensemble put the nail in this matchup’s aesthetic coffin. And if we’re being honest, I’m always going to have a hard time letting the Commanders off the hook when presented with an opportunity to place them in the seat of shame.

The Rams have been one of the most enjoyable watches in the league since Matt Stafford returned from his Week 9 absence. Meanwhile, the Commanders have been one of the worst watches in football in that same span. Since Week 9, the Commanders are 0-4 and averaging 18 points per game. For under purposes, that’s music to our ears. In games where Stafford starts this season, the Rams are averaging 25 points per game. If these trends hold, we should be sitting pretty with such a high number.

The Pick: Under 50.5

NOTE - The Commanders have yet to reveal their choice of pants.

Best NFL Uniform Matchup of Week 15.

There are times when a uniform matchup transcends aesthetics, and the Texans-Titans Oilers Bowl is one of those times. If you’ve spent any amount of time in NFL Uniform Twitter/X, you’ve been exposed to the Texans-Titans Oilers debate. For the uninitiated, Houston fans* are upset that Tennessee took the Oilers aesthetic out of Houston (and then did not give the look back after rebranding to the Titans). And Titans fans are upset that Houston fans fail to grasp basic knowledge of intellectual property law. There’s an old adage in law: if the law is on your side, pound the law; if the facts are on your side, pound the facts; and if neither are on your side, pound the table. Here, the Titans have the law, the Texans have the facts, but both sides of this debate just want to pound the table. When it comes to the instant uniform matchup, I do think it’s genuinely sharp. But more than anything, it’s incredibly petty. And I will always be a sucker for uniform pettiness.

No CJ Stroud in this one is a huge bummer. Veteran Case Keenum will be under center instead for the Texans as they try to hold on to playoff relevancy. With Stroud out, all eyes will be on the electric factory that is Billy Jeans. Will Levis has had ups and downs in his rookie campaign, but he’s earning his reputation as a gamer. Tennessee has put up 28 points in their last two. If we’re going to clear the number, Levis is going to need to go for the threepeat (with a modest input from Mr. Keenum and company).

*I genuinely understand and sympathize with Houston fans on this issue - especially those that grew up Houston Oilers fans. But it is what it is. My biggest gripe with the whole situation is that Tennessee should’ve just remained the Oilers. I love a team name in a nonsensical location (Los Angeles Lakers, Utah Jazz, Calgary Flames, etc.).

The Pick: Over 36.5

The Gridiron Uniform Database.

The uniform graphics you see here are courtesy of The Gridiron Uniform Database. If you’ve never paid their site a visit, stop what you’re doing right now and check it out. Best site on the Internet and an invaluable resource to uniform nerds and casuals alike.

Coming Attractions.

Another uniform week in the books. You know the drill. Back for more on Thursday.

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