Hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving and a fantastic Black Friday. The football games left a bit to be desired. But we’re off to a 6-1 start in our Week 12 search for an aesthetic edge. Let’s keep the holiday good times going. In the words of Kylo Ren: MORE.

A quick note on methodology.

As always, I’m analyzing every NFL uniform matchup and picking a winner against the spread based on who dresses best. And just because a team is ranked higher in the Uniform Wardrobe Power Rankings doesn’t mean it will automatically win the uniform matchup. It’s what you wear in the instant matchup that counts.

Week 12 Uniform Matchups and Picks.

The Texans can’t quit debuting new uniform combos. And I am all for it. With the uniform redesign* on the horizon, use it while you still have it. Across the sideline, it’s always a missed opportunity when the Jags omit teal. Houston all the way.

My dark horse Super Bowl pick against my favorite Cinderella story of the season. With a uniform debut to boot. Feels like this one was made for me. Trevor Lawrence vs. CJ Stroud will get all of the headlines, but I am most interested in Stroud and the Young Texans against this potent Jacksonville defense. Stroud has been flamethrowing opponents during Houston’s three-game winning streak - averaging 387 passing yards per game. The Jaguars are Top 10 in defensive expected points, but they can be had through the air - giving up the sixth most passing yards in the league. I like Houston to win this one outright while claiming first place in the AFC South (and the all-important tiebreaker over the Jags).

*One thing is abundantly clear: the helmet future for the Houston Texans is Battle Red. And I fully support it.

The Pick: Texans +1.5

Steelers at Bengals in an AFC North clash. The yellow pants from Pittsburgh and orange helmet/jersey from Cincinnati carry over the highlighter aesthetic from Browns-Steelers last week. While I have no issue with the Bengals breaking out orange occasionally, it’s my least favorite look in their wardrobe. Orange overload. The Steelers in their Triple Mismatch Club road outfit are the pick.

The Joe Burrow injury is a colossal bummer and took some wind out of the sails of an exciting AFC playoff race. The Steelers finally fired Matt Canada,* and let’s hope the new brain trust gets the message from Jaylen Warren’s jersey number and gives him the ball a corresponding number of times. If Pittsburgh can’t take care of business against Jake Browning, they have no business playing postseason football. I think they’ll rise to the occasion and clear this low bar.

*Another interim OC game? Worked for the Bills last week.

The Pick: Steelers -1.5

We are one helmet away from a glorious uniform matchup between the Saints and Falcons. I will never understand why the Saints tarnished one of the best uniforms in the league with the fleur-de-lis wrapping paper helmet.* Atlanta is rocking the red-helmet throwbacks for the last time this season. Let’s enjoy it while we can with the Falcons as the pick.

The NFC South is trending toward a possible sub .500 division winner. A Falcons win (plus a Bucs win) would land three teams at 5-6 atop the standings. Both teams are flawed, but I can’t shake my preseason belief in Atlanta. The defense has shown flashes. Arthur Smith just needs to force feed Bijan Robinson. The typically vaunted Saints defense has been more vulnerable on the ground than in recent years. If the Falcons can control the clock and get Bijan and Tyler Allgeier going, I like their chances.

*A Saints black helmet could be somewhat tolerable. But it needs a normal helmet stripe.

The Pick: Falcons +2

Patriots at Giants. A once great interconference rivalry has been reduced to a punch line in 2023. The uniform matchup is about as middle of the road as it gets (unless New England surprises with silver pants). Giants in their home blues are the selection.

The Belichick in New England situation is just sad at this point. The team has clearly quit on the Patriot Way. Whether it’s Bailey Zappe or Mac Jones under center, it doesn’t seem to matter. Tommy Devito showed signs of life last week, and the Giants defense was stealing the ball from the Commanders offense at will. But nothing about this New York group invokes confidence for sustained success. In a game between hapless teams, I’m content to be riding with the team getting points.

The Pick: Giants +4

NOTE - The Patriots have yet to reveal their choice of pants.

Panthers at Titans was the runner up for worst of the week and leaves much to be desired. Rooting for the Panthers to avoid black pants and save us from some black-navy clash. The Titans are the second worst wardrobe for a reason. The helmet (and overall color palette) is drab, the jersey keeps the Panelist Era alive, and the pants have those bizarre chevron stripes. Hoping a redesign is on the horizon. Carolina is the clear choice.

Panthers-Titans is the second worst uniform matchup of the week and the second saddest football game of the week (behind only Pats-Giants). The Bryce Young experience has left everything to be desired. And while Billy Jeans has had his moments, the Titans are not built to compete this year (and likely should have been fire sellers at the deadline). As stated above, with teams this bad, give me the points.

The Pick: Panthers +3.5

NOTE - The Panthers have yet to reveal their choice of pants.

The bone gray Rams take on the ninja black Cardinals. The bone uniforms don’t offend me as much as when they were first unveiled, but I still don’t understand the aesthetic benefit of gray as a stand-in for white.* The blackout trend is admittedly overplayed, but the Cardinals version is my second favorite behind only the Steelers. And Arizona is the pick here.

The Cardinals have noticeably had a shot in the arm since the return of Kyler Murray. The rust is there, but his skill set completely resets the ceiling of Arizona’s offense. A few different breaks of the game and the Cardinals upset the Texans last week. The last time the Cardinals faced the Rams, it was a one-sided 26-9 affair. Arizona’s offense was helpless, and Los Angeles - especially Kyren Williams - ran the ball at will. But speaking of rust, Williams is returning after a four-game injury absence. And I think Jonathan Gannon will have the boys motivated for revenge - decked out in full ninja attire. Look for Arizona to steal this one outright, but we’ll take the points as home dogs.

*It screams being different for the sake of being different.

The Pick: Cardinals +2.5

When it comes to Browns-Broncos, I’m just thankful for anything that isn’t the 2019 color-on-color trainwreck. This one is a battle of my bits: icy white Browns against Triple Mismatch Club Broncos. But an easy decision: Browns by a mile.

Five weeks ago, I don’t think anyone would’ve had this one circled as a premier AFC playoff race game. But here we are. The Browns have ridden the best defense in football and Defensive Player of the Year frontrunner Myles Garrett to a 7-3 record. And the Broncos have righted the ship behind some Sean Payton stability and a quietly strong season from Russell Wilson. I admittedly don’t feel great about Dorian Thompson-Robinson on the road against a resurgent Denver defense. But - as always - in the Uniform Gods we trust.

The Pick: Browns +1.5

Chiefs at Raiders in a glorious AFC West uniform matchup. Two classic looks and a textbook example of complementary contrast. What’s not to like? Las Vegas gets the narrow edge but top marks all around.

A lot of Chiefs pass catcher talk after the loss against the Eagles - and rightfully so. If MVS hangs onto that touchdown or Kelce doesn’t fumble, the Chiefs win that game. Which is why no one in Kansas City should - or will - panic. Patrick Mahomes is still Patrick Mahomes. And the defense is a Top 3 unit in the league. For my money, the Chiefs are still the best team in the AFC. The Raiders interim coach magic finally wore off in Miami. But Las Vegas didn’t go down without a fight. I think the Raiders will be scrappy the rest of the season. So sign me up for this many points at home against a division rival.

The Pick: Raiders +9

NOTE - The Chiefs have yet to reveal their choice of pants.

Ravens at Chargers had matchup of the year potential. Baltimore certainly lived up to their end of the bargain. But I fundamentally don’t understand the Chargers rolling out the navy alternate against a team with a black and purple color scheme.* If you insist on putting powder blue in the corner, save this look for matchup with better contrast (e.g., the Chiefs). Another thing: while I’m a big fan of the helmet and jersey in the Chargers navy look, the uniform would benefit greatly from white or yellow pants (with a corresponding navy bolt stripe). But I digress. Ravens are the pick for doing their part and rocking an elite road member of the Triple Mismatch Club.

It’s now or never time for the Chargers. And their timing couldn’t have been much worse. The Ravens continue to roll and have a legitimate case for best team in the AFC (and even the NFL). Lamar is a signature moment away from putting himself at the front of the MVP pack. And a Sunday Night Football showcase could be just what the doctor ordered. The last time Lamar was in Los Angeles, Baltimore won by double digits. I think history repeats.

*Add this one to the ever-growing list of NFL teams not thinking about the overall uniform matchup.

The Pick: Ravens -3

Bears at Vikings in another NFC Norris division uniform matchup as the Uniform Gods intended. This one earned its place on the best of the week shortlist. I expect this will be the last time we see the Vikings throwbacks this season, so I’m going to appreciate them while we’ve got them - Minnesota it is.

I must admit: I’m very much into Justin Fields vs. Josh Dobbs on Monday Night Football. While the Bears choked away a win in Detroit, Fields played one of his best games as a pro. And the Passtronaut - even in a close loss to the Broncos - continues to put on the NFL’s version of Linsanity. I think we’re in for a close divisional grudge match. And in such games, I want to ride with the better defense. The Bears are sixth worst in defensive expected points. And the Vikings are fourteenth best. Consider me content.

The Pick: Vikings -3

Worst NFL Uniform Matchup of Week 12.

It pains me to put this Colts uniform in worst of the week, but a man has to have a code.* If you don’t prune the color-on-color garden, you’re asking for weeds.** The last thing we need is for the NFL to aesthetically go the way of the NBA with rampant color-on-color without adequate complementary contrast (or consistent color palette usage). The pewter bodysuit is grating on its own, but there is no universe where pewter and royal pair well together. And to think I had this game circled as a best of the week contender when the schedule was the released. Woof.

As disappointing as this uniform matchup is, I’m looking forward to the football game itself. It’s easy to overlook Bucs-Colts as a game with major playoff race implications. The Bucs are a win and a Saints loss away from a share of the NFC South lead. And the Colts are a win away from strong positioning in the AFC wild card race (and an outside shot at the AFC South crown). But it’s all about points (or lack thereof) for our purposes. The combined average totals for these teams in their last two games: 31 points. I like the sound of that.

*Shoutout Omar Little.

**As stated during Week 8 for Falcons-Titans, I have an admittedly complicated stance on color-on-color uniform matchups. In a vacuum, I have no issue with it so long as the colors feature complementary contrast. However, I feel for the colorblind amongst us. And it is an incredibly slippery slope. If the league allows it wholesale, we’ll constantly be seeing nightmares like Browns-Broncos*** in 2019. And my big concern is teams abandoning white as a color altogether. Imagine the Rams rocking blue at home and yellow on the road. Or the Bears in blue and orange. Or the Falcons in black and red. Criticize me all you want for hating on color-on-color, but there is a method to my madness.

***Look it up.

The Pick: Under 45.5

Best NFL Uniform Matchup of Week 12.

Kelly Green is BACK (Version 2.0). Back in Week 7, Dolphins-Eagles earned best of the week based primarily (if not solely) on the return of these fantastic Philadelphia throwbacks. But this time, the Kelly Green Eagles are paired with a uniform equally worthy of the best of the week mountain. The icy white Bills are a perfect complement to the Eagles in green-green-silver. And I could not be more excited to see this one on the screen.

This one has the potential to have major MVP implications. Jalen Hurts is the current betting favorite, but Josh Allen arguably has the best advanced stats case. If the wins ultimately catch up for Buffalo - especially during this brutal stretch of the schedule - Allen will have a compelling case. The head-to-head outcome here may push the end result one way or the other. But for our immediate purposes, all we care about is these quarterbacks combining for as many points as possible. Admittedly, the number is up there. Fortunately for us, these offenses are both Top 5 in expected points - each averaging 27 points per game. If that trend holds, we’re cooking with gas.

The Pick: Over 48

The Gridiron Uniform Database.

The uniform graphics you see here are courtesy of The Gridiron Uniform Database. If you’ve never paid their site a visit, stop what you’re doing right now and check it out. Best site on the Internet and an invaluable resource to uniform nerds and casuals alike.

Coming Attractions.

Another uniform week in the books. You know the drill. Back for more on Thursday.

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