Welcome to the second half of the 2023 NFL season. It doesn’t get much more unceremonious than this. Panthers-Bears may be the worst game of the season. And Chicago dressed for the occasion. While the rest of us can occasionally avert our eyes from the radioactive orange glow, Al Michaels is contractually obligated to call the game. The man has seen and called it all, but I don’t know if he’s mentally prepared for this one.

Ladies and gentlemen, the Al Michaels No Longer Believes in Miracles Bowl!

A quick note on methodology.

As always, I’m analyzing every NFL uniform matchup and picking a winner against the spread based on who dresses best. And just because a team is ranked higher in the Uniform Wardrobe Power Rankings doesn’t mean it will automatically win the uniform matchup. It’s what you wear in the instant matchup that counts.

Looking back at Week 9.

Now we’re cooking with gas. 12-2 on the week. And 65-67-4 on the year. A shade below .500 heading into the second half of the season.

Thursday Night Football Uniform Matchup.

For the second time this season, the Bears are subjecting us to the orange helmet alternate - the NFL’s best example of “just because you can, doesn’t mean you should”. Woof. Panthers are the pick by default.

Chicago is 0-3 wearing the orange helmet, so the Uniform Gods are certainly on our side. Moreover, while it’s been anything but a strong start for Bryce Young, I think people are panicking too soon. The Panthers offensive line has been a dumpster fire, the supporting cast has been underwhelming, and the uber expensive coaching staff has done - in the immortal words of Jim Mora - diddly poo offensively. I think Bryce takes advantage of primetime and reminds the world why he was the first pick in the draft.

The Pick: Panthers +3.5

NOTE - The Panthers have yet to unveil their choice of uniform.

Club SDR - Week 10 Player Props.

The Single Digit Revolution winning ways continue. 2-1 on the week. And 16-11 on the year. Time to ring in the second half of the season with a trio of No. 2s (in Thanksgiving season colors to boot).

DJ Moore - Over 53.5 Total Yards

Revenge game incoming. Moore likely thought he was heading to greener pastures when traded from the Panthers to the Bears. But it’s largely been an out of the frying pan into into the fire situation (at least in terms of team success and quarterback play). But Moore continues to get his - averaging 82 yards per game. Things have admittedly slowed down with Tyson Bagent under center, but I expect Chicago to force feed DJ against his old squad.

Amari Cooper - Over 52.5 Receiving Yards

Cooper is once again putting together an under-the-radar WR1 season. While he’s averaging 77 yards per game this season, his worst showing of the season was against the Ravens (1 catch for 16 yards). But I’m chalking that up as an outlier. He had six targets in that game and cleared the number in both opportunities against Baltimore last year. I like him to do it again in one of the games of the week.

Marquise Brown - Over 0.5 Touchdowns

Kyler Murray is back. And no one will be happier than his teammate and best friend Marquise Brown. Hollywood has looked sharp this season - leading the Cardinals in every major receiving category. He just hasn’t had a quarterback that consistently and accurately delivers him the football. That all changes with Murray, and I think this QB-WR duo reunites in the endzone.

The Gridiron Uniform Database.

The uniform graphics you see here are courtesy of The Gridiron Uniform Database. If you’ve never paid their site a visit, stop what you’re doing right now and check it out. Best site on the Internet and an invaluable resource to uniform nerds and casuals alike.

Coming Attractions.

Keep an eye out for the Week 10 full slate breakdown to drop Sunday morning. Because we live in a world without an NFL uniform scheduling czar, we’re at the mercy of the teams deciding and announcing their uniform combos each week. Where it’s not 100% clear before posting, I’ll make a best guess and update after the fact for posterity.

Be sure to subscribe and share this newsletter far and wide. And always remember: Look Good. Feel Good. Pay Good.