The first Sunday slate of the 2024 season is finally here. And there’s no shortage of sharp uniform matchups. The NFL aesthetic continues to be in an excellent place, and Week 1 is Exhibit A with a preposterous amount of best of the week contenders. Tough decisions on deck. Let’s dive in.

A quick note on methodology.

As always, I’m analyzing every NFL uniform matchup and picking a winner against the spread based on who dresses best. And just because a team is ranked higher in the Uniform Wardrobe Power Rankings doesn’t mean it will automatically win the uniform matchup. It’s what you wear in the instant matchup that counts.

Week 1 Uniform Matchups and Picks.

Cardinals at Bills kicking us off with a sneaky great uniform matchup. The Cardinals whiteout uniform is the best in their wardrobe, and the Bills are starting things right with their do-no-wrong combo of white-blue-white. This one is a true toss-up for me, so tiebreaker goes to the higher ranked Bills.

I’ve got my eyes on a Cardinals upset here, so I’m admittedly worried about laying the points. But in Josh Allen we trust.

The Pick: Bills -6.5

Welcome to the regular season debut of the Texans road whites. The dark navy of the Texans plays well against the crisp royal of the Colts.  And Houston’s bright red accents are really going to shine here.  Giving the slightest of edges to the Texans to christen the new look. Sleeve horns forever.

I couldn’t be more excited for the AFC South this season, and this burgeoning era of the Texans-Colts rivalry is a big reason why. I’m incredibly bullish on Anthony Richardson, Shane Steichen, and the Colts. But I’m even more bullish on CJ Stroud, DeMeco Ryans, and this loaded Texans roster. Super Bowl run starts now for my pick to win the AFC.

The Pick: Texans -3

Full Bengal is officially upon us with Cincinnati rocking orange pants for the first time in franchise history.  While I’d prefer the Bengals to break up the orange bodysuit with white or black pants, I appreciate Cincy giving the fans what they wanted.  Despite the orange overload, there’s no way I’m going against the Bengals in an alternate uniform game.* And they get the nod over the consistently underwhelming Pats.

Safe bet that the Bengals are the most picked team this week in survivor pools across the country. And that makes me nervous - especially with Higgins likely out with injury and Ja’Marr potentially holding out for an extension.** But the Patriots might be the worst team in the league, and the Open in Orange vibes should be too much to overcome on the road.

*Since unveiling this wardrobe in 2021, the Bengals are 8-1 in alternate uniforms. No team does a better job of tapping into that alt mojo.

**Just pay the man.

The Pick: Bengals -7.5

NOTE - The Patriots have yet to reveal their choice of pants. Though I won’t be holding my breath.

Kudos to the Titans for rocking light blue pants and saving us from navy overload.  And while this is their best road uniform, they’re still light years behind the Bears classic home look.  Chicago in a no brainer.

While this is a somewhat forgettable uniform matchup, I’m pumped for the game itself. I’m still a big believer in Billy Jeans, and Caleb Williams is the most hyped quarterback prospect in recent memory. If Caleb clicks right away - and if that line can keep him upright - the Bears could surprise as contenders right away. An opening win agains the Titans would be a nice start. Baby steps.

The Pick: Bears -4

The last time Pittsburgh traveled to Atlanta, the Falcons wore their fantastic throwbacks - resulting in 2022’s Best Showdown of the Triple Mismatch Club.  No such luck this time.  With the Falcons in their blackout primaries, the Steelers run away with it.

While the Falcons have received all sorts of offseason hype, I’m not entirely convinced they’re going to run away with the NFC South. And they face a tough draw with the Steelers defense in Week 1. Throw in the Arthur Smith revenge game factor and a possible surprise start for Justin Fields, and I’m content to be riding with Pittsburgh and the points.

The Pick: Steelers +4

Jaguars and Dolphins have so much aesthetic potential,* but their current wardrobes don’t fully deliver - Jacksonville more so than Miami.  Black-teal-white is the definitive Jags combo; I just wish it didn’t come with practice pants.  Dolphins take it by default.

The AFC Battle for Florida. I expect Jacksonville to have a bounce back season this year, and a lot of that has to do with new defensive coordinator Ryan Nielsen. But there are few first tests tougher than Mike McDaniel’s Dolphins. The Rogues Gallery is still the fastest offense in football, and I like their attack to overwhelm the Jags.

*Both teal and aqua are delightfully unique additions to any color scheme.

The Pick: Dolphins -3.5

Same old, same old in New Orleans.  Despite their usual preseason filled with gold pants, the Saints refuse to quit the black unitard when it counts.  The icy white Panthers are thus the easy choice.

Divisional games* are always a crapshoot - especially in Week 1. The big storyline here is how Bryce Young looks in year two after a disastrous year one. I think new quarterback-friendly coach Dave Canales gives him a path to sophomore redemption, but the lack of weapons is concerning. Fortunately, the Panthers are squaring off against the most milquetoast roster in the league.

*Glad to see the league only scheduled three on opening weekend this year.

The Pick: Panthers +4

Party like it’s 1997-2001 in the old AFC West. Seahawks are spoiling us in Week 1 with the royal throwback and making a case for best individual uniform of the week.* Plus I’m digging how the Broncos new road whites** pair with the royal, green, and silver of the Seahawks. Seattle is the clear choice, but I’m overall just excited to see this one on the screen.

Of all the games in Week 1, I’m most intrigued by Broncos-Seahawks. I can’t shake the feeling that Bo Nix is going to hit the ground running in Denver. And I’m fascinated to see what Ryan Grubb brings to Seattle as the new offensive coordinator. Sneaky shootout watch. With the glorious throwbacks in play, I trust the Uniform Gods to see us through.

*Also saving us from a dark and dreary navy overload situation.

**Though I do think orange pants were the move in this one.

The Pick: Seahawks -6

What’s not to like with this one?  The Raiders road uniform pairs perfectly with the Triple Mismatch Club Chargers.  The only thing that could take it to another level would be silver numbers for Las Vegas, but that’s very much in nitpick territory for this best of the week shortlist matchup. Los Angeles in white-powder blue-yellow is still my favorite look in football, and the Bolts get the nod.

I have zero feel for this one. Minshew’s a Raider. Harbaugh’s a Charger. And I just want to sit back and enjoy.

The Pick: Chargers -3

Bucs always look sharp in icy white.  But the Commanders continue to defy the laws of uniformity by wearing white practice pants with their burgundy helmet and jersey.  This is especially egregious with gold pants now in the wardrobe.  Tampa saves this one from the bottom spot, but the Commanders run away with worst individual uniform of the week.

Jayden Daniels making his first professional start is the big draw in this one. But I fully expect the Bucs* to rain on his parade.

*Stat watch: can Mike Evans make it ELEVEN years in a row with 1,000+ receiving yards?

The Pick: Buccaneers -3.5

I’ve had my eye on Rams-Lions for best of Week 1 since the schedule release and was ready to pull the trigger if the Lions went Honolulu blue over silver. But this is what I was worried about. Detroit delivered one of the best redesigns in recent memory. However, the ultimate success of the new wardrobe depends on their willingness to limit the use of the blueberry and marshmallow* unitards in favor of better combos. Unfortunately, we’re starting off on the wrong foot. At least the Rams understood the assignment with the best combo in their closet. They’re the pick.

The Wild Card matchup between these teams last year was a riot. And I’m banking on more of the same in the Sunday Night Football opener. I’ve got the Lions going all the way this year. But I like Stafford and the Rams to win this one outright.

*Stripes on white pants and the marshmallows would’ve been one of my favorite icy white looks in the league. But retaining the white practice pants was an unforced error. Opportunity missed is an understatement.

The Pick: Rams +4.5

Jets at 49ers looking like Christmas in September for the Monday Night Football opener. Top marks all around for the runner-up of the week and pumped to see this one under the lights. The Jets wardrobe improvement cannot be overstated, but they’re still not in Niners territory for me. As such, San Fran is the pick.

Somewhat of a homecoming game for Aaron Rodgers.* And all eyes will be on him after the derailment that was last year’s opening night injury. But the real intrigue in this one is the Jets defense versus the Niners offense. Robert Saleh versus Kyle Shanahan. As stacked as New York’s stop unit is, the Niners are - for my money - still the best offense in football.

*I’m sure the broadcast is never going to bring up the Niners passing him up in the 2005 draft.

The Pick: 49ers -4

Worst NFL Uniform Matchup of Week 1.

The Giants are opening their 100th season with the Century Red uniform - reminding us all that they shelved the white throwback for a frankensteined mess.  To make matters worse, the archaic paneling and khaki pants of the Giants is set against the hypermodern look of the Vikings.  Collectively, it just looks so off.  And it lands in the Week 1 cellar as a result.

Can’t say I’m upset about Sam Darnold versus Daniel Jones being this week’s under game.

The Pick: Under 41

NOTE - The Vikings have yet to reveal their choice of pants.

Best NFL Uniform Matchup of Week 1.

Early contender for Best Showdown of the Triple Mismatch Club.  And our first leader in the clubhouse for best uniform matchup of the 2024 NFL season.* The Cowboys continue to be the most complementary team in football. And I’ll never understand hate for the Browns wardrobe. The orange and white absolutely pop against the brown, and those white masks have never looked better.

Tom Brady making his NFL booth debut may get all the pregame headlines, but don’t sleep on this one as a game of the week. Two powerhouse teams from a year ago that each laid eggs in the Wild Card round. As good as both defenses are, I like both offenses to stretch their legs in the opener. And I especially like Dak to light it up.**

*Don’t see this one going the distance, but never say never.

**Can hit Jerry after the game with the Brad Pitt ending monologue from Killing Them Softly.

The Pick: Over 41

The Gridiron Uniform Database.

Uniform graphics seen here are courtesy of The Gridiron Uniform Database. If you’ve never paid their site a visit, stop what you’re doing right now and check it out. Best site on the Internet and an invaluable resource to uniform nerds and casuals alike.

Coming Attractions.

We’re in the swing of things now. Back on Thursday for Bills-Dolphins.

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