We. Are. Back. And ready to roll. NFL Opening Night has arrived, and Week 1 is officially underway.

The Fighting Dan Campbells are ready to bite some kneecaps and Big Red’s Chiefs are ready to hang another banner. Let’s party.

A quick note on methodology.

As always, I’m analyzing every NFL uniform matchup and picking a winner against the spread based on who dresses best. And just because a team is ranked higher in the Uniform Wardrobe Power Rankings doesn’t mean it will automatically win the uniform matchup. It’s what you wear in the instant matchup that counts.

NFL Opening Night Uniform Matchup.

Back on February 13th, just after the Chiefs Super Bowl LVII victory, I asked for the league to throw us a curveball and go Lions-Chiefs for the opener. Ask and you shall receive. But be careful what you wish for. With a sneaky great uniform matchup there for the taking, the Lions decided to thumb their nose at the Uniform Gods* and dump the white practice pants on us. Woof. At least it makes the choice easy: Chiefs in a landslide.

The big on-field news in this one is the expected absence of Travis Kelce following a practice injury. We also don’t know if Chris Jones** is playing. But unless something’s going on with Patrick Mahomes that we don’t know about, my gut tells me Kansas City takes care of business at home. When in doubt, give me the side with the best quarterback in football.

*Gray bodysuits on Thanksgiving. Doubling down with the blue helmet-gray unitard outfit during the Summer of Throwbacks. And now white practice pants on opening night. Detroit has gone too far. The Uniform Gods have chosen their champion, and his name is Patrick Mahomes (who just so happens to have ascended to the level of Neo in The Matrix when he takes down the Agent in single combat without really trying).

**Jones has suggested on social media that he’s willing to sit out until Week 8 over contract negotiations.

The Pick: Chiefs -4.5

Club SDR - Week 1 Player Props.

The Single Digit Revolution rages on. And it’s become a Zero Sum Game with some No. 0s in our midst. We’re going to keep identifying three Revolutionaries that we expect to have big fantasy weeks.

Tee Higgins - Over 57.5 Receiving Yards

After converting from No. 85 to No. 5 this season, it’s only fair to honor Tee Higgins on this list as a new Single Digit Revolutionary. The line is posted just below his career average against the Browns of 58 receiving yards. So let’s see if the aesthetic boost from the single digit points our coin toss pick to paydirt.

Lamar Jackson - Over 216.5 Passing Yards

The NFL world isn’t ready for Air Raid Lamar and neither is Vegas apparently. With a much-improved receiving corps and Todd Monken calling the shots, look for Lamar’s passing yard total to steadily rise throughout the season. Let’s take advantage for the time being.

Bryce Young - Over 210.5 Passing Yards

The first pick in the 2023 NFL Draft is set to make his big debut on the road in Atlanta. The last eight quarterbacks selected first overall averaged 275 passing yards in their first start (with a median of 302). I expect Bryce Young to to be in the neighborhood of that average against a Falcons defense that finished Bottom 10 last season in passing yards allowed and expected points.

The Gridiron Uniform Database.

The uniform graphics you see here are courtesy of The Gridiron Uniform Database. If you’ve never paid their site a visit, stop what you’re doing right now and check it out. Best site on the Internet and an invaluable resource to uniform nerds and casuals alike.

Coming Attractions.

Yours truly is heading into the Montana Wilderness for a wedding this weekend. So with the Internet connectivity a great unknown, look out for the Week 1 slate to drop tomorrow.

Because we live in a world without an NFL uniform scheduling czar, we’re at the mercy of the teams deciding and announcing their uniform combos each week. Where it’s not 100% clear before posting, I’ll make a best guess and update after the fact for posterity.

Be sure to subscribe and share this newsletter far and wide. And always remember: Look Good. Feel Good. Pay Good.