Let's get this party started. As the first substantive issue of Bets Dressed, I am pleased to present the Uniform Wardrobe Power Rankings. These Power Rankings will serve as the basis for all Futures predictions and will have a substantial influence on Weekly Picks as well.

A quick note on methodology: the Power Rankings assess the totality of a team's uniform wardrobe. But the primary uniforms are weighted much higher than alternate or throwback uniforms. As such, a team with a rough primary look will be graded poorly even with an elite alternate look. The strong alternate may boost the team within its own ranking tier, but it will not carry an otherwise bad looking team to a high ranking.

Without further ado, here are the Uniform Wardrobe Power Rankings (with more detailed analysis and explanation below):

I'm sure you all agree with me and no one will have any differing thoughts. I like to think I have pretty good uniform taste, but this whole endeavor is admittedly subjective. Well, mostly subjective. The Commanders are objectively a disaster. Moving along . . .

Tier-by-Tier and Team-by-Team Analysis.

In addition to ranking each NFL team from 1 to 32, the teams are also grouped into tiers. We'll go one tier at a time with a quick explanation of the tier followed by analysis of each team within the tier. The teams are listed with color blocks to represent their helmet (H), jersey (J), and pants (P) wardrobe options.*

*Note that if a team has a throwback or alternate item that is the same color as a primary outfit item, that color block will only appear once.

Pretty self explanatory. The elite. The cream of the crop.

The (powder blue and) gold standard. The Los Angeles Chargers knocked it out of the park with their 2020 redesign. Not a false note in the bunch. The white helmet-powder blue jersey-yellow pants look is the single best outfit in the league. It's also a perfect example of the Triple Mismatch Club* (helmet, jersey, and pants each sporting a different color). The only recommended addition would be a navy blue helmet to pair with the navy alternate now that the one-helmet rule is kaput. Perhaps the most important takeaway with the Chargers: it's possible to have an elite uniform that is not a carbon copy of an old school look. While the wardrobe clearly draws inspiration from the classics, the Chargers weren't afraid to take chances and ultimately upgrade the wardrobe as a whole by featuring italicized numerals and letting the bolts stand alone on the shoulders without additional striping. These choices create a clean, sleek look that serves as the definitive wardrobe of the best dressed team in NFL history.

*More on this when we get into Weekly Picks this season.

The San Francisco 49ers leapfrogged the No. 3 team on this list with the inclusion of their NFL-best wordmark on their uniforms (and for reasons explained further below for team No. 3). Their primary uniforms are perfection; the red and gold complement each other brilliantly. The throwbacks, with the excellent use of black drop shadow, tie the entire wardrobe together by justifying the inclusion of a black outline around the "SF" crest logo. The exclamation point on San Francisco's status as team No. 2: find me a more perfect, complementary uniform matchup in the entire NFL than the white and gold 49ers against the powder blue Chargers (with white or gold pants).

The Cleveland Browns embody "keep it simple" with a clean look and colors that really pop. Like the Chargers, the Browns knocked the 2020 redesign out of the park and undid the 2015-2019 abomination era.* If it were up to me, I'd go with gray facemasks, but I have no real complaint with brown. The Browns and 49ers are in a virtual tie, and the tiebreaker comes down to who has the better throwback rotation. I do not care for the Browns all-white throwbacks. The brown to orange drop shadow numbers look off. And I especially dislike the single white stripe on the orange helmet. But these minor nitpicks do nothing to take away from a top three uniform wardrobe in the NFL.

*I'm going to start using "Crimes Against Uniformity" to describe uniform malpractice like the 2015-2019 Browns.

I've said before that the Indianapolis Colts have one of the best looks in all of sports, and I stand by that statement with their placement in the top five here. Other than the blues and golds of the two Los Angeles franchises, the blue and white of the Colts may be the best color palette in the NFL. Throw in a perfect logo and an excellent number font and you're cooking with gas. My only criticisms are (i) ditch the all-blue unitard look and (ii) lose the bizarre throwback helmet with the logos squeezed* into the back stripe.

*It's the NFL uniform equivalent of the Microsoft Windows screen snapping feature.

Nobody rounds out the top five like the Buffalo Bills. Great logo. Red, white, and blue color palette. What's not to like? I may be in the minority, but I am a sucker for a crisp white helmet, and I especially enjoy the "icy white" look of a team rocking a white jersey and white pants. The Bills - with a white facemask to boot - take the icy white look to the maximum. Some nitpicks: The helmet stripe that widens down the back drives me nuts; it's meant to invoke the widening streak on the logo, but it ends up looking corny. While I have no issue with red jersey alone, I wish they would retire the all-red unitard.*

*As an aside, I fully recognize that I sound like a hypocrite hating on the color-over-color unitard while praising the white-over-white look. All I can say is, I am what I am. You like what you like.

Equally self explanatory. These teams round out the top ten uniform wardrobes in the NFL.

The undisputed 2021 uniform redesign (and defending AFC) champs: the Cincinnati Bengals. A lesson to all other NFL teams: good things happen when you redesign your uniforms . . . well. My goodness these bad boys pop on the screen. Arguably the most unique helmet in the league. There's only a handful of uniforms better than the Bengals's orange helmet-black jersey-white pants outfit. And speaking of icy whites, the Bengals have the best icy white uniform in the league because of that pop of orange with the helmet. A lot of people have been calling for a white tiger helmet to go with the white-over-white uniform. I'm personally against it because that orange helmet takes the outfit over the top. One small ask: lose the "B" logo and bring back the excellent leaping tiger logo. Joe Burrow, Ja'Marr Chase, and these uniforms. Hard to find a cooler team in the NFL than the Bengals (what a time to be alive).

2020 was truly a momentous year for uniform redesigns. Four of the top seven teams on this list made positive changes in 2020, and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are another shining example. Out of the uniform dark ages and into the uniform renaissance. The Bucs current wardrobe traces its origins to the 1997 redesign, and I love a team that can go through a modern redesign and establish an instantly classic look. Pewter is such a unique color, and the Bucs pair it expertly with red and white. If there is one (and only one) positive from the 2014-2019 alarm clock years, it was the minor improvements to an otherwise excellent logo. The pewter jersey should never see the light of day again, but I won't hold my breath. The rest of the league is officially on notice: the Bucs will be knocking on the door of the top five when the creamsicles* arrive in 2023.

*Here's a "break the glass" strategy proposal for the Bucs this year: imagine it's the playoffs. You're down after a brutal first half and staring down the barrel of Tom Brady's last year with the team and going home empty-handed. But then, all of a sudden, Todd Bowles has everyone go around the room and say where they are from. An elderly equipment manager emerges. And you come out the tunnel wearing the creamsicles in the second half. I don't care what the score is, you are not losing that game.**

**Yes. I may have borrowed this from D2: The Mighty Ducks.

The Las Vegas Raiders feature the most iconic color palette in the league: the silver and black. The run from Nos. 8 to 13 on this list features some real classics. If you polled 100 random football fans about their favorite NFL uniform, I'd wager more people would pick the Raiders black-over-silver than any other team. The Raiders are a no brainer top ten team. But the primary away uniform is bit underwhelming. Now that they are in Las Vegas, I would love to see the silver number white alternates become the primary away uniform. Nevada is the Silver State after all.

It doesn't get much more classic than the Green Bay Packers. The green and yellow complement each other perfectly. Excellent striping throughout the helmet, jersey, and pants. And a simple logo recognizable by diehard fans and the uninitiated alike. The green-over-green throwback was a little much last year, but I wouldn't mind seeing the return of the icy white color rush alternate. There's something undeniably majestic about a team sticking with the same wardrobe for such a long period of time, and the Packers may be the best example of that in the league.

The Chicago Bears close out the top ten. That deep navy and orange works so well. An observation as I was coming up with these rankings: there's something about a primary home uniform with a helmet and jersey of the same color that knocks a team down the list. I prefer a bit of contrast. A very minor ding, but it was especially challenging to separate the classics from Nos. 8 to 13. I really like the throwback with the three-stripe helmet. The orange jersey doesn't bother me, but the fact that the Bears have worn orange more recently than the Bucs does.

This group rounds out the teams where I have no major complaints. I mentioned up top that this is a subjective undertaking. And that's largely true. Nos. 1 through 15 are bona fide wardrobes, and I wouldn't judge anyone for having a different order with these top tier teams.

The Dallas Cowboys are very much an eye of the beholder team. Some find the various shades of blue on the home whites charming. Others find it infuriating. One thing we can all agree on: nothing is better than when a team wears white at home and forces the Cowboys to wear their navy blues. The star logo is iconic. All uniforms are crisp and clean. And a sneaky great element of the Cowboys: their home whites may be the most complementary uniform in the league. The Cowboys are appropriately next to team No. 12 on this list, together forming the NFL's version of Celtics-Lakers.

And that brings us to the Pittsburgh Steelers, the other half of the NFL's Celtics-Lakers.* A couple of tweaks and the Steelers would have a strong case for top ten. The one-sided helmet logo is delightfully unique. Black and yellow are perfect complements. This is a team that absolutely should take advantage of the one-helmet rule's demise and bring back the excellent yellow throwback helmet with their current color rush look (or better yet lose the color rush and bring back white pants). Speaking of color rush, that uniform showcases the biggest problem with the primary uniforms: the number font. A return to block numerals would go a long way for the Steelers. And one more request: bring back the gray facemasks.

*The Cowboys and Steelers have been Super Bowl opponents an NFL record three times. Each time featured the Steelers in black and the Cowboys in white.

The Kansas City Chiefs are an undeniable classic and a uniform fan favorite. But full disclosure here: I think their wardrobe is a bit overrated. If I ranked them any lower, it'd be sacrilegious, but this is truly where they fall for me. As mentioned above with the Bears, the helmet and jersey color matching on the primary home uniform is a slight knock for me. Where the Cowboys are the NFL's most complementary team, the Chiefs are the kings of clash. Recent matchups against marquee uniform teams like the 49ers, Browns, and Bucs left viewers a bit eyesore if they're being honest with themselves. Perhaps it's unfair to lay that on the Chiefs, but the red helmet-red jersey combo means no escape from that fire engine red. Don't hate on me too much, Chiefs fans. I'm probably just projecting America's collective jealousy of having Patrick Mahomes at QB for the next 10-15 years.

The Baltimore Ravens have no business looking this good with black and purple. Those colors are supposed to clash, but it just works for the Ravens. In a league filled with bird mascots, the Ravens are the best looking leg of the Bird Gauntlet.* Drop shadow either works or it doesn't. And for the Ravens, it works. The black helmet-purple jersey-white pants uniform is one of my favorites. And the Ravens are blessed to share the AFC North with the Bengals and Browns (for more reasons than uniforms until recently), whose orange offers a perfect purple complement. My biggest gripes involve the corny crest** and the "B" on the pants. Ditching both would be an improvement.

*More on that when we talk Team Futures.

**An intellectual property dispute forced the Ravens to change their original crest logo, so I understand why we (likely) won't see it again. But that crest would be massive improvement over the current one.

The New York Giants are the second of four teams on this list that sport the red, white, and blue color palette. The Giants smartly differentiated themselves from their patriotic counterparts with the use of gray pants. However, they relegated the gray to alternate status last year, opting to make white pants the primary with blue and white jerseys. While I prefer the gray pants, I'm still a fan of the overall wardrobe. The shade of blue is strong, and the red helmet stripe gives a nice pop of contrasting color. Red numerals on the primary white jersey is a smart choice. It's always fun when the "GIANTS" throwback makes an appearance, but the "NY" logo is sharper in my opinion. Would love to see the "GIANTS" throwback paired with a blue uniform in the near future.

This group is all about potential. With some fixes to glaring issues, these teams have the capacity to rocket up the Power Rankings in future years.

Call me the Emperor because I can feel your anger with the placement of the Los Angeles Rams in the last spot of the top half of the Power Rankings. I've been on record for a while now saying the Rams uniforms have grown on me. And I'm tired of pretending like there aren't elements of this uniform that are fantastic. This tier is called "flawed good" for a reason. Let's start with the color scheme: it's the Rams or their tenant, the Chargers, as best in the NFL. These uniforms absolutely pop on the screen. This is especially the case with the helmet, which is among the best in the league. The split horn wouldn't be my choice, but I can live with it. The blue facemask matching the helmet color just works. And (cover your ears, purists) ditching the curly-Q end of the horn is actually an improvement. If the Rams feature those excellent - and Super Bowl winning - white outfits over the bone gray this season, then we're really on the right track. With all of that said, I will always hate the use gradient on any NFL uniform, and the numbers on the Rams blue uniform are no exception. Bone gray was an eye-roll-inducing move to begin with. However, the blue pants make it palatable. Now please proceed to roast me at your leisure. But I will not apologize for this ranking. And be advised they may keep climbing if gradient goes bye-bye and white takes precedence over bone.

Speaking of the Emperor, we have arrived at the New England Patriots. Team number three with red, white, and blue - and appropriately named the Patriots. Before we dive into the wardrobe, let's take a moment to salute the Patriots for bringing back one the great uniforms in sports - the red throwback. While not only being a part of an elite throwback, the red jersey may be the first step toward unlocking one of the highest potential looks in the league. The Patriots scored overall positive marks on their 2020 redesign. The current uniform is far superior to the dreadful Panelist Era* getup featured in numerous Super Bowl campaigns. But the current wardrobe is severely limited by featuring only navy pants. I also personally would've gone white helmet over silver helmet to mark a new era. However, the underlying template of this wardrobe is incredibly sharp. There is a simple fix: add a royal blue jersey plus red and silver pants. An increase in color options will allow the Patriots to avoid the drab navy over navy and introduce some complementary contrast. With these tweaks, and with the return of the red throwback, the Patriots can find themselves racing up this list in future iterations.

*For the uninitiated, the Panelist Era is the term I coined to describe the period of time where various teams featured uniforms with atrocious panels, piping, and striping (think 2004-2020 Bengals, 2002-2010 Bills, 2003-2019 Falcons, 2006-2012 Vikings, and a team to come near the bottom of this list).

From an aesthetic perspective, the Detroit Lions are best known by their best feature: the honolulu blue. With an excellent color palette and a great logo, the Lions should be higher on this list. But a number of unforced errors keep the Lions from reaching their potential. To start, someone needs to explain the number font* to me. What was the thought process there? The dueling shoulder inscriptions of "WCF" and "LIONS" is another interesting choice. Just pick one. Or better yet, ditch both and let the stripe do its thing. The helmet and pants stripes are also less effective than if they were a classic three stripe, white between blue. Never wear the gray jersey again. And if you're going to wear white pants, throw on a stripe. Alright, time to stop picking on the Lions. These uniforms are actually tolerable. The Lions are expected to undergo a redesign in the near future. Some advice: if a uniform is good enough for Barry Sanders, it's good enough for the rest of humankind.

*If you're going to use that awful number font, at least put it to good use. I have long thought - and even threw it out on Twitter a couple of years ago - that an NFL defense should dress all starters in numbers in the 40s and 90s to throw off the opposing teams' QB and coaching staff. Think about it! Defensive linemen in 40, 41, 90, and 91. LBs in 49, 99, and 94. DBs in 42, 43, 45, 46, and 48. Sure the players would never go for it, but it's brilliant. There is no better font to implement this aesthetic-based strategy than that of the Lions.

I think I may be higher on the Carolina Panthers uniform wardrobe than the general consensus. I respect that the look has remained mostly unchanged since the team's inception in 1995. I like the silver helmet and the logo. Black, silver, and carolina blue make for an enticing color palette. And while the black jersey is more iconic, I enjoy when the carolina blues make an appearance. The most inexplicable feature of the current wardrobe is the microscopic shoulder numbers. If they need to be that small, just remove them altogether. My spidey sense tells me that a redesign is coming. I think such a redesign could go off the rails; I'm especially skeptical of a black or blue helmet (or both given the new rules). But if a redesign is on its way, I have a feeling that we will look back on the current uniforms fondly and pine for them as throwbacks in the near future.

As the New Orleans Saints round out the "flawed good" tier, it dawns on me that there are currently more "good" wardrobes than "bad" in the league. Now that doesn't mean I don't have gripes and complaints with a number of these "good" wardrobes, but I do think the doom and gloom about the current state of NFL uniforms is a bit overblown. My new fear is that the end of the one-helmet rule, which we all have been clamoring for, will give teams just enough slack to get themselves in trouble. Case in point: the New Orleans Saints. No one was asking for a black helmet, especially one with a helmet stripe that looks like fleur-de-lis wrapping paper. To make matters worse, it appears the Saints will be pairing the black helmet with their fantastic white throwbacks. Instead of going with an old gold helmet to match the numbers and stripes of the white throwback uniform, the Saints commit an unforced error with the black helmet while turning a strength of their wardrobe into a weakness. The Saints have a relatively classic look but rely too heavily on the all-black unitard. Moreover, the black and champagne gold doesn't pop the way other great black uniforms do (think Raiders or Steelers). With that said, the gold-black-gold and gold-white-gold uniforms look just right and allow the Saints to still be counted amongst the "good" wardrobes in the NFL.

As Robert De Niro said in A Bronx Tale, "the saddest thing in life is wasted talent." Meet the NFL uniform equivalent of wasted talent. This group has top ten potential and some redeeming qualities, but they each fall victim to modern uniform trends that bring down their identities as a whole.

The Minnesota Vikings. Is there a more perfect pairing of mascot and region of the country? Great helmet logo, solid color scheme, and a rich history. So what's holding them back? For starters, the bizarre mismatched number font. I'm not a number font purist, and there are numerous NFL examples of sharp number fonts that aren't standard block numerals. But when the digit on the left does not match the same digit on the right, it throws everything out of whack. There is also the doorstop-shaped sleeve stripe. It's far from a deal breaker, but it's distracting once you notice it. And the biggest gripe of all: even if they may be the same shade of purple, the matte helmet just doesn't quite fit with the purple jerseys. The clash is so notable that it takes away from the overall look of the uniform. The irony here is that I enjoy matte helmets. However, danger exists where the helmet and jersey are the same color and the matte effect causes the shades to appear different. The 1998 Vikings are one of the greatest teams in NFL history to not win a Super Bowl.* Wear what they wore.

*Gary Anderson's miss in the NFC Championship Game robbed us of one of the all-time great Super Bowl matchups between the Vikings and the next team on this list.

The Denver Broncos have had the same general look since the 1997 redesign (with a shift to orange as the primary jersey in 2012). The Broncos have enjoyed on-field success in this wardrobe, winning three Super Bowls in the last 25 years. With that said, the people are starving for a return of the royal and orange throwbacks, which haven't graced the field since 2001. Cards on the table: there are elements of this wardrobe I really like. I love the logo and think it looks incredibly sleek on the helmet. The number font is unique. I prefer the orange jersey, but the John Elway nostalgia is undeniable when the navy jersey makes an appearance. But the side panel stripes kicked off the Panelist Era and have been a Madden Create-A-Team staple ever since. I especially hate the color rush uniform and its half-measure attempt to invoke the throwback uniform. I'm sure we will see the throwbacks in 2023, and I wouldn't be shocked if the Broncos outright redesign their uniforms to return to the classic look. I think the current logo should be incorporated to some degree, perhaps replacing the more docile bronco in the original "D" logo. But time will tell.

Some uniform decisions will never make sense, and the Philadelphia Eagles moving away from kelly green falls into that category. However, the move to "midnight" green was very on brand for athletic aesthetics of the 1990s. There is an obvious positive with the Eagles wardrobe: an eagle wing helmet logo will always be awesome. But the rest of the wardrobe is a bit drab. There is way too much reliance on black as an accent throughout each of their uniforms. That gets cranked up to ten with the all-black alternate. But nothing is worse than the green helmet-white jersey-black pants uniform, which may be the worst Triple Mismatch Club member in the league. While I'm not a fan of the look, at least the Eagles are adopting a black helmet to join the all-black ensemble. Having a green helmet with that uniform was always a bit off. We know that the Randall Cunningham/Reggie White/Jerome Brown era kelly green throwbacks are coming in 2023, but I'd love to see the Eagles utilize such a fan favorite - or something similar - full time. It sure worked for the Chargers.

The Miami Dolphins embody one of my go-to phrases when it comes to NFL uniforms: this doesn't have to be hard. As we speak, the Dolphins house two perfect throwbacks in their wardrobe. If they adopted those uniforms as their primary outfits, the Dolphins would be crashing into the top ten. Instead, the team with vibrant colors worthy of Miami finds a way to put forth a bland uniform. You need a microscope to find any orange in the primary uniforms. Even the helmet stripe is dominated by aqua. I don't even hate the logo, although I prefer either of the Marino-era logos* of the 1990s. I'm hopeful a redesign is on the horizon. Some more advice: if a uniform is good enough for Dan Marino, it's good enough for the rest of humankind.

*Embarrassing confession: when I was younger, I didn't realize the Dolphins logo featured a dolphin in front of the sun. I thought it was a dolphin jumping through a ring of fire. True story.

I can - to varying degrees - live with every uniform wardrobe that comes before this point. But that ends here. You can call me Yukon Cornelius because we are officially venturing into the land of the abominable (nice little Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer reference for ya).

The Jacksonville Jaguars admittedly don't have a lot going for them. But believe it or not, they once had solid uniforms! Like their 1995 expansion team counterpart, the Panthers, the Jaguars came out of the gate with a respectable look. An understated but effective logo, unique colors, and the excellent full body jaguar on the sleeves. It was all downhill from there. After a bizarre foray into the Panelist Era and a two-tone journey to worst uniform in NFL history, the Jaguars wardrobe stands as currently constructed. Black, teal, and white have potential as a color palette. But the Jaguars desperately miss the gold accents of the original wardrobe. The current uniforms are so bland and rudderless. And too often the Jaguars wear an outfit that doesn't even feature teal. There is an easy fix here: just go back to the Coughlin/Boselli/Taylor era* uniforms. And say it with me, folks: put the big cat back on the sleeves.

*How awesome were those Jaguars teams? We don't talk enough about how the Jaguars and Panthers each made a conference championship game within three years of being an expansion team.

To be fair to the Houston Texans, it is virtually impossible to make a positive aesthetic impression when you are going to constantly be compared to the Houston Oilers, who possessed one of the greatest uniform wardrobes in NFL history. The Texans are the fourth and final team to sport the red, white, and blue color palette. And they easily are the most underwhelming of that bunch. The logo is fine, but everything else is bland and uninspired. When they wear blue jerseys, the Texans fall victim to the same-color helmet and jersey nitpick I've touched on previously. But they lack any of the nostalgic goodwill to make up for it. Red over white is their best outfit, but it still is nothing to write home about. The Texans desperately need a redesign, and a white helmet holds the key to success in that regard.

Remember what I said earlier about wasted talent and uniform decisions that will never make sense? Well, the Seattle Seahawks moving away from their borderline league-best royal and green color palette takes the cake. I understand that the Pacific Northwest can be a little overcast and dreary, but that doesn't mean the uniform wardrobe needs to follow suit. The glorious silver, royal, and green uniforms are expected back in 2023, and - like other teams on this list - the Seahawks should seriously consider utilizing that color palette for the primary uniforms. But until then, this is the wardrobe we are stuck with. This is a hypermodern design template: the wrapping paper helmet stripe, shoulder paneling, texturized/patterned numerals, and a shark tooth motif along the pant stripes. "Action" green is an accent throughout the wardrobe and takes center stage to blind us all as an alternate. The primary home uniform falls victim to unitard syndrome. But even when they break out gray pants to offer some contrast, it just looks off. And having gray as an alternate never works - just wear white. The "angry" Seahawk is an improvement over the original, but it would look oh so much better in royal and green. I'm hopeful that the Seahawks realize their "wasted talent" and shoot up this list with a return to sharper times.

The worst get worse as we head into the bottom - and final - tier of the Power Rankings.

I had a back and forth with myself about whether I'm being too hard on the New York Jets. Are they that bad? Bottom five bad? And every time I waiver, I wind up looking at those black uniforms or that totally mailed in helmet logo or those weird angular shoulder stripes or "NEW YORK" plastered across the front and decide yes. This is where they belong. My conclusion is reinforced when I think about the elite set they left behind in 2018. An underrated aspect of this wardrobe that really irks me is the black facemask. They had more than twenty years to watch and learn from the Eagles that you don't need to shoehorn black accents into an otherwise excellent green and white color scheme. Just don't do it. Removal of an unnecessary color from the base palette can be such a liberating and elevating aspect of a redesign (look at the Chargers). I sneaky like the Jets and think they can turn things around on the field over the next few years. Let's hope they turn things around in their wardrobe as well.

Like the earlier tier, the Atlanta Falcons also embody wasted talent. What's so infuriating about the Falcons are those glimpses of what could be when they break out the throwbacks. But those feelings of goodwill are instantly quashed when we're treated to chrome facemasks, in-your-face "ATL" wordmarks, gradient jerseys, and the worst number font in NFL history. Credit where credit is due: it's a delight to see the return of the red throwback helmets.* But if the Falcons want to shoot up this list, they need to explore a uniform wardrobe built around red and black helmets; red, black, and white jerseys; and white and gray pants. As always, this doesn't have to be hard.

*Possibly controversial opinion: give me the black throwback helmets over the red throwback helmets, especially with a white jersey and gray pants.

The Tennessee Titans, the artists formerly known as the Houston Oilers - and temporarily the Tennessee Oilers.* Like the Texans, the specter of the Houston Oilers hangs over the Titans. It's an uphill battle whenever your uniform wardrobe is going to be compared to the powder blue and red oil derrick greatness of the Oilers. However, the original Titans uniforms were actually tolerable. Navy, powder blue, and white - with a sprinkle of red - makes for a great color palette. The all-encompassing shoulder stripe was very late 1990s / early 2000s and provided the uniform template for some of my finest Madden and NCAA Football Create-A-Teams. But this Titans train derailed in 2018 with the latest redesign. The navy helmet is brutal. Any semblance of contrast went right out the window, especially with the navy shield of the logo. To make matters worse, the Titans kept the all-encompassing shoulder stripe but downgraded it further with two-tone gray. The two-tone gray motif also appears as a helmet stripe and on the pants as a pseudo stripe that looks more like a soldier's chevron. The Titans also keep the dreadful Panelist Era alive with unnecessary underarm color panels. The Titans do answer the question of which number font Achilles and his Myrmidons would prefer for an athletic contest against the Trojans. But all we learn is that Achilles had bad taste.

*There's something so charming about sports teams with a name transplanted to a nonsensical location. Think Los Angeles Lakers, Utah Jazz, or Calgary Flames to name a few. Oh what could've been, Tennessee Oilers.

The Arizona Cardinals. The Last (and most egregious) of the Panelists. There is so much unnecessary piping, striping, and paneling in this wardrobe. The white uniform is especially troublesome; from the back shoulders up, it looks like it still might be the red uniform. But let's try to be fair here: the Cardinals have a bit of an an uphill battle when it comes to their uniforms. Red and white are as generic as it gets for a color palette. And a cardinal isn't exactly an intimidating bird* of prey. The Cardinals have hinted at a redesign coming in the near future. The keys for a redesign lie with the Arizona State Flag, which offers solid colors and a unique design. They also should look to the gray of the desert cardinal, a native of the American Southwest, or the sand of the Sonoran Desert for further color inspiration. There's a respectable uniform in there somewhere, it's just going to take some effort to find it.

*The Cardinals are the last - and currently the least - representative of the aforementioned Bird Gauntlet.

I genuinely debated locking the Washington Commanders away into their own standalone bottom tier. For the record, I've always found Washington's uniforms to be overrated. And I wholly agreed with the decision to change the name. So I'm not some sour grapes person mad about the change. At a fundamental level, I cannot believe these are the uniforms they landed on. The name was not my first choice,* but it's fine. I'm just relieved they actually picked a name and didn't continue as the "Football Team". But let's dive into the wardrobe, which can be summed up as follows: "One Team. Three completely different uniforms." There is no uniformity (see what I did there) in the design. The different sets share little to no similar features. They're each their own disappointing template. Different number, stripe, and patch designs. Obnoxious front wordmarks. Bizarre patterns/striping. Patches, patches, and more patches. Corny phrase on the collar. A Washington Diamondbacks white jersey. Whatever that shadow camo is on the black jersey. And don't even get me started on the black helmet with the front "W" logo. Puke. It's going to take a lot to knock the Commanders from this bottomless perch.

*I was rooting for Red Tails or Red Wolves.

Tell me how right and wrong I am.

Alright, that'll do it for the Uniform Wardrobe Power Rankings.* While you know I'm (mostly) right, come yell at me over on Twitter at NFL Fashion Advice (@fashion_nfl) or shoot me an email at [email protected].

*With my luck, more teams will release helmet alternates between now and the start of the season. But I don't expect anything big enough to shake up the rankings this year. However, if the Bucs run out of a second half tunnel in creamsicle and white, we'll talk.

Coming Attractions.

Keep an eye out for next edition of the Bets Dressed newsletter: Team Futures. With these Power Rankings in mind, we'll dive into picks for season win totals, playoff teams, Division winners, Conference, winners, and the Super Bowl LVII champion.

As we finish up the offseason, new issues will be dropped every two weeks. But once the season starts, expect at least one per week (if not more).

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