Welcome Back.

Long time no see, my friends. Welcome to Season 2 of the Bets Dressed newsletter. It’s great to be back in anticipation of another NFL season.

Like last year, it’s important to take stock of where the league is at from a uniform standpoint. And there’s no better way to do that than a breakdown of each team’s attire in the Uniform Wardrobe Power Rankings.

But before we get to the list, I have an overarching observation to kick us off on a high note: the NFL is an excellent place aesthetically. I mean, how can you not feel optimistic and energized after the Summer of Throwbacks? More than half of the league has a solid wardrobe and only a handful of teams are a train wreck. Sure, teams continue to frustrate us with bodysuits, unitards, gradients, and a lack of forethought into what makes for a great uniform matchup. But too often “NFL Uniform Twitter” dwells on the downside and complains about what is wrong instead of appreciating what is right. The glass is half full, folks. The league delivered in a major way this offseason. The Panelist Era is (mostly) behind us. The Modern Classic Era is upon us. Now let’s go have the best 2023 NFL season imaginable.

The Preseason Rundown.

Before we dive into the Power Rankings, let’s set the roadmap for the 2023 Bets Dressed preseason. We’re starting here with the Uniform Wardrobe Power Rankings. And in the coming weeks, keep an eye out for the following:

• Individual Futures and Player Props

• Team Futures

• Road to Las Vegas: Dream Super Bowl Uniform Matchups

Then once the regular season hits, we’ll be back every week giving bowl game names to Thursday Night Football, picking games against the spread based on who dresses best, and selecting props for our favorite members of the Single Digit Revolution.

Without further ado, let’s get this party started.

Uniform Wardrobe Power Rankings.

A quick reminder on methodology: the Power Rankings address the totality of a team’s uniform wardrobe. And while primary uniforms will continue to be weighted much higher than alternates or throwbacks, the Summer of Throwbacks (and alternates) did not go unnoticed.

Also, with this being the second iteration of the Power Rankings, we have the benefit of factoring in team uniform decisions and bad habits from last season (looking at you Lions on Thanksgiving and Saints all season).

That’s enough preamble. Allow me to present the 2023 NFL Uniform Wardrobe Power Rankings (with more detailed analysis and explanation below).

I’m sure you all agree with me and there is nothing further to discuss. While I like to think I have good uniform taste and strive for to be evenhanded between classic and modern approaches, this endeavor is admittedly subjective. At least we can all find common ground in mocking the Commanders. But I digress.

Team-by-Team Analysis.

You’ll notice the tiers are different this year. In line with my point above, the league is in a fantastic place aesthetically. And these new tiers reflect that. The vast majority of the league clears the “flawed good” threshold with a handful of bottom feeders bringing up the rear.

In addition to a blurb about each team, look out for “Something to Fix” and “Pairs Best With” superlatives. Both self explanatory.

The elite. The cream of the crop.

They came at the king. And they all missed. It’s cold up here at the top where the Chargers still have the best wardrobe in football. While the rest of the Great Eight are in the conversation, the NFL uniform standard remains powder blue and yellow. Even after the Summer of Throwbacks, the white-powder blue-yellow look remains the best outfit in the league (and a shining achievement of the Triple Mismatch Club).

The Bolts showed us the blueprint in 2020 - leading the way in a Modern Classic Uniform Renaissance. Remember that you can have an elite uniform that is not a carbon copy of an old school look. Draw inspiration from the past, but don’t be afraid to innovate and upgrade while you’re at it.

Something to Fix: While the Chargers deserve credit for incorporating the navy and royal eras into their wardrobe, they can accomplish the task without unitards (same color jersey and pants). But this is firmly in nitpick territory. And the primaries are so perfect that Los Angeles can truly do no wrong.

Pairs Best With: Raiders.

What do I love about the 49ers uniforms? To begin with, everything.* If you’ve been following me for any period of time, you know that the Chargers are the apple of my football-uniform-loving eye. So it may surprise you that I genuinely debated leapfrogging the 49ers into first place this season. Because here’s the reality: San Francisco has the most flawless wardrobe in the league. There isn’t a false note in the bunch. The red and gold of the primary uniforms complement each other perfectly. And the throwbacks, with the excellent use of black drop shadow, tie the entire wardrobe together by justifying the inclusion of the black outline around the “SF” crest logo.

While I couldn’t bring myself to actually dethrone the Chargers, the Niners retain the title of Kings of the NFC.

Something to Fix: Wouldn’t change a thing. But a gold facemask similar to UCLA would be intriguing.

Pairs Best With: Cowboys.

*Nice little Almost Famous reference to kick off the footnotes this year.

The Bengals ascension to the uniform wardrobe podium has been building for a while. And the introduction of the White Tiger alternate sealed the deal. The 2021 uniform redesign champs followed in the Chargers footsteps by showing what’s possible with a Modern Classic approach. Plus the Bengals took things a step further by listening to their fans and giving them what they wanted with a white alternate helmet. Every uniform Cincinnati rolls out absolutely pops, and the helmet scheme is still one of the league’s most unique. The Bengals have earned their place in the conversation at the top - aesthetically and otherwise.

Something to Fix: I said it last year, and I’ll say it again: the “B” logo must go. The Tiger Head and Leaping Tiger are sitting right there. Throw that big cat on the sleeve, and I may just have to think about the Bengals crossing the silver or gold threshold.

Pairs Best With: Steelers.

The Cowboys are the second biggest riser in the 2023 Power Rankings. Every time I watched them last season, I regretted not ranking them higher. They are - without a doubt - the most complementary uniform team in the league.* It’s virtually impossible to have a bad uniform matchup when Dallas is involved.**

A lot of people complain about the Cowboys mismatched blues. But for me, it’s organized chaos. Quirkiness with charm. And most importantly, the white uniform - a uniform matchup cheat code - serves as a sharply dressed springboard that elevates every opposing uniform it comes into contact with. Too often, we focus solely on individual uniforms and don’t think of the uniform matchup as a whole - losing the proverbial forest through the trees. The Cowboys wardrobe reminds us of the importance of seeing the whole picture. And their ranking reflects that.

Something to Fix: Like the Niners, I wouldn’t change a thing. Speaking of …

Pairs Best With: 49ers.

*You likely noticed the Cowboys are batting over .300 in “Pairs Best With” so far. Plenty more where that came from.

**Seriously. Go look at their 2022 season on The Gridiron Uniform Database.

There’s only one place to start with the Bucs: the Creamsicles are BACK. The one-shell rule ended a year ago, but the Summer of Throwbacks felt like the official celebration of its demise. While the Creamsicles rightfully earned all of Tampa Bay’s offseason uniform attention, I don’t think the Bucs get enough credit for their current primary look. Elite logo. Elite color scheme. And now Bucco Bruce is the cherry on top of one of the best overall wardrobes in the NFL.

While working through each team for these Power Rankings, I had a revelation about the Bucs - and current uniform wardrobes overall. The sweet spot is finding sharp primaries paired with alternates that bring down the house (throwbacks or otherwise). Tampa Bay is in that perfect place.*

Something to Fix: If we see the Pewter bodysuit again, it’s one time too many. Give the people what they want: three Creamsicle games.

Pairs Best With: Cowboys.

*The Summer of Throwbacks has caused a stir where people are clamoring for throwbacks to return as the primary uniforms league-wide. And as much as I love excellent throwbacks, the league aesthetic will eventually stagnate if there is never change or innovation. As Brad Pitt as Billy Beane said in Moneyball, adapt or die.

The Browns are slight fallers in this year’s list through no fault of their own. Cleveland still exemplifies that “keep it simple” can lead to uniform nirvana. It’s a clean look with sharp colors that jump off the screen. And the unveiling of the white alternate helmet addresses any gripes I previously had about the white throwback uniform.*

If the Browns want to jump back into the Top 5, white facemasks are the way - a subtle change that offers major improvement. Just do me a favor and keep my guy Brownie the Elf at midfield.

Something to Fix: I hope to never see Color Rush brown again.

Pairs Best With: Ravens.

The Browns white uniform is now so good that there’s a legitimate conversation about which Ohio team boasts the best icy white** outfit.

**For the record, I count “icy white” as any uniform combo that features white jerseys over white pants.

No team appeared in more Best of the Week uniform matchups than the Steelers last season. So it’s only appropriate that they make the jump into the Top 10. And rightfully so. Like the Cowboys, I was too low on the Steelers in last year’s rankings.

The color scheme* is fantastic, and the one-sided helmet logo is delightfully unique. And while I do think the blackout trend is played out, the Steelers offer an important distinction: yellow pants. Black helmet-black jersey-color pants is one of the most underrated uniform combos in the league. And to be fair, the Steelers are even able to pull off all-black (for my money the best blackout look in football).

Something to Fix: The people cry out for block numerals. And white pants would be another welcome blast from the past.

Pairs Best With: Cowboys.**

*Black and Yellow? Or Black and Gold? Some people get bent out of shape about color naming, but life’s too short to genuinely mind. If forced to choose, give me the color it actually looks like - yellow. Save gold for the Niners and Saints.

**The Cowboys and Steelers have been Super Bowl opponents three times (most in league history). Each time has featured the Steelers in black and the Cowboys in white. It’s the NFL version of Celtics-Lakers.

No. 8 from last year remains No. 8 this year.* Death, taxes, and the Silver and Black putting forth a can’t-miss uniform wardrobe. I said it last year, and I still believe it: if you polled 100 random football fans about their favorite NFL uniform, more people would pick the Raiders black-over-silver than any other. Las Vegas is an undisputed Top 10 uniform wardrobe, but the away whites leave me a bit underwhelmed and keep the Raiders from climbing up my board.

Something to Fix: With Nevada being the Silver State, sign me up for silver numerals on the primary away uniform.

Pairs Best With: Chiefs.

*Very Wooderson of the rest of the league. The NFL uniform world is ever-changing, but the Raiders stay the same.

All strong wardrobes. No major complaints. This entire exercise is obviously subjective, and I’d have few bones to pick with anyone that ordered these top-half teams differently.

We’ve been slowly inching toward this point, and it can no longer be denied: the Baltimore Ravens have a Top 10 uniform wardrobe. And I’m tired of pretending they don’t. Black and purple have no business looking this good together, but it just works. The black-purple-white home primary is among the best outfits in the league. And like the Steelers above, the Ravens are another prime example of the effectiveness of black helmet-black jersey-color pants.

Beyond the uniform itself, the birdhead logo* is on my shortlist for best in the NFL. And I respect that Baltimore’s look has remained largely unchanged since its inception (though I do wish for a return of a bird logo on the shoulder rather than the crest).

Something to Fix: Lose the “B” on the pants, and add a stripe to the black pants.

Pairs Best With: Bengals.

*I prefer logos that explore the space horizontally on the helmet. And the Ravens deliver in that regard.

Oh, Bills. I’m not mad - just disappointed. And no, I’m not talking about the decision to keep the red throwback helmet on the shelf.* I’m talking about the unhealthy obsession with the blueberry unitard. In 12 blue jersey games last season, the Bills completed the blue jumpsuit 10 times. Batting .833 on letting us down - woof. The Bills are a Top 5 wardrobe team when everything breaks right. But as an aesthetic ombudsman, I’ve got to hold teams accountable for the uniform decisions they make. And the Bills fall in the rankings reflects that.

Something to Fix: It’s hard to choose between the navy outline and the expanding helmet stripe. So let’s fix both.

Pairs Best With: Steelers.

Passing on a fan favorite layup makes my uniform spidey senses tingle. Why not join the Summer of Throwbacks and give Bills fans (and Josh Allen**) the red helmet they’ve been clamoring for? The only thing that makes any sense to me is that they have plans to bring it back in a non-throwback capacity. And for whatever it’s worth, give me the current primaries over the red helmet throwbacks.

**To be fair, I can’t tell if Josh actually wants the red helmet or just gets a kick out of wearing something different during the training camp scrimmage. I must admit I can’t stop thinking about how sharp a blue helmet-red jersey-white pants combo could be if done right.

The Packers are an interesting team to rank. They sport an undeniably classic* look. Green and yellow is a sharp color palette. And the logo is immediately recognizable by diehards and casuals alike. But there’s something keeping them from ever ascending much higher than 10ish. Classic case of incredibly high floor but sneaky low ceiling.

It was great to see the icy white outfit return against against the Titans in primetime last season. But the green-over-green throwback has overstayed its welcome.

Something to Fix: When you have a primary green uniform that is timeless, you can do away with a substandard green throwback.

Pairs Best With: Bears.

*In fact, I don’t think it can get more classic than the Packers in the NFL. And there are few things more majestic than a team sticking with the same wardrobe for such a long period of time.

The Colts - along with another team coming later - earned the dubious dishonor of biggest faller in the Power Rankings. While I was already preparing to slightly ding them for the continued use of the Microsoft Snap Tool throwback helmet, the Indiana Nights alternate was a new low. In the greatest uniform offseason in NFL history, it’s hard to have any patience for a team that chooses to roll out pseudo-denim* as a color. While the black helmet is palatable on its own, the heather blue unitard is too much to swallow.**

With all of that being said, I’m still a sucker for the Colts primaries. Simple, elegant, and one of the better logos in sports. This tumble down the board is admittedly reactionary, but the punishment fits the crime.

Something to Fix: Can we just pretend the black helmet-heather blue unitard never happened? Let’s jettison the Microsoft Snap Tool throwback helmet while we’re at it.

Pairs Best With: Browns.

*It almost has a blue camo look to it. I feel like I’m playing Surface on Goldeneye (first but not last N64 reference).

**If I were to try and fix the Indiana Nights alternate, I’d look to Duke for inspiration. Even making the jersey black while keeping the pants blue would be an improvement.

Aside from the radioactive* orange helmet, there is very little to criticize about the Bears. Deep navy, orange, and white pair brilliantly together. Everything about the primary uniforms (and the three-stripe throwback) scream timeless and classic. But it’s important to reiterate an observation from last year’s rankings as we reach the string of teams from Nos. 13-16: there’s something about a primary home uniform with a helmet and jersey of the same color that knocks a team down the list for me.** And it’s the reason why I actually prefer the Bears road uniform.

I referenced it above, and I’ll touch on it again below in “Something to Fix”, but the orange helmet continues to be such an unforced error. Classic case of “just because you can, doesn’t mean you should.” Bears-Commanders was the Worst Uniform Matchup of the Season last year. And if the Chicago Bears are winding up in any “worst” aesthetic category, grave mistakes have been made.

Something to Fix: Pair the navy helmet with the orange jersey for a much sharper look.

Pairs Best With: Packers.

*Go see Oppenheimer.

**The Steelers suffer from this too, but I find black helmet-black jersey to be more palatable so long as it’s paired with contrasting pants. And my love for the icy white look is well known. Are my positions somewhat contradictory? Sure, but I am what I am. I like what I like. If nothing else, I’m always honest.

Ladies and gentlemen, I am pleased to present the biggest riser in the 2023 Uniform Wardrobe Power Rankings. Obviously, Kelly Green played a role in this elevation, and such greatness speaks for itself. But let’s call a spade a spade: I was wrong about the Eagles and was way too harsh in my ranking last season.* The helmet logo has a case for best in the league, the 90s uniform style has aged nicely, and the color palette has really grown on me.**

Like the Bucs above, the Eagles current wardrobe is in a perfect place. Sharp primaries and elite throwbacks. Sure, if it were up to me I’d consider removing black from the color palette altogether. But beggars can’t be choosers. The Eagles and their leftward facing logo now find themselves on the right side of the Power Rankings.

Something to Fix: In a world where the Eagles are going to wear the black alternate once a year, I far prefer the black helmet over midnight green. So let’s see if the NFL can grant the Eagles a third helmet waiver.

Pairs Best With: Cowboys.

*Happy Gilmore said it best: “I’m stupid; you’re smart. I was wrong; you were right. You’re the best; I’m the worst. You’re very good looking; I’m not attractive.”

**I prefer the “bluer” shade of the current fabric compared to prior iterations.

I still miss the gray pants, but the Giants wardrobe is in a solid place at the moment - sharp primaries with home and away throwback options.* I especially enjoy the Triple Mismatch Club situation going on with the navy helmet, royal jersey, and white pants.

I’m genuinely torn as to whether the team should make a change and adopt the “GIANTS” look as the primary. If forced to decide right now, I think they’re better off standing pat. But I’d never say no to the throwbacks being elevated to primary status with the addition of Super Bowl XLII throwbacks (and my beloved gray pants).

Something to Fix: Fine, I’ll say it again. It doesn’t hurt anyone to keep the gray pants in the wardrobe. Just give us one game. I’m a parody of myself.

Pairs Best With: Cowboys.

*This is the way, NFL. Home and away throwback options for every team. I’ve said it a million times before, but Throwback Thursday Night Football is right there.

While the Ravens, Eagles, and Giants* passed them, the Chiefs still hold on to a spot in the top half of the rankings. I fully recognize that I’m lower on Kansas City than most. It’s an undeniably classic wardrobe and a fan favorite. But it’s a touch overrated to me. It’s that matching helmet and jersey color thing again, and it’s turned up to 10 with fire engine red. While the Cowboys are the league’s most complementary team, the Chiefs are the kings of clash. With all of that said, I can’t get enough of either white jersey outfit - and the icy whites are especially electric.

Last year, I ended my Chiefs blurb as follows: “Don’t hate me too much, Chiefs fans. I’m probably just projecting America’s collective jealousy of having Patrick Mahomes at QB for the next 10-15 years.” You can say that again.

*For the record, I have the Chiefs and Giants in a virtual tie. But the Giants fantastic throwbacks give them the edge.

Something to Fix: Red helmet paired with red jersey is already a lot of red. Keep the red pants in the closet to avoid the red-pocalypse.

Pairs Best With: Chargers.

Looks I can live with. With fixes to certain issues, these teams have the potential to rise up the board in future iterations.

I’ve consistently been higher on the Panthers wardrobe than most, and their subtle tweaks this offseason have made a world of difference. I went back and forth about putting them higher on the list but couldn’t bring myself to put them ahead of the Bears-Eagles-Giants-Chiefs bloc.

Sticking with the silver helmet was the right choice. Process Blue is a sharper shade. And replacing the rings around the arms with stripes that come to a cat scratch point was a stroke of genius. But nothing has me more fired up than images of Brian Burns rocking the black helmet with the blue jersey.* If that outfit actually hits the field, look out for the Panthers clearing the same-color jersey-and-helmet crew in next year’s edition of the Power Rankings.

Something to Fix: The shoulder number size increase looks better, but they’re still a touch microscopic. Just rip the band-aid off and get rid of them altogether.

Pairs Best With: Buccaneers.

*I still don’t understand how the Panthers were allowed to wear the black helmet with their black primary jersey last season. NFL rules requires alternate helmets to be worn with alternate jerseys. One of life’s great mysteries.

I invoked the wrath of commenters far and wide with my ranking of the Rams last season, but call me the Joker because I’m still tired of pretending like these uniforms are bad. The helmet is one of the best in the league, and the split horn has fully grown on me to the point where I’ll take it over the original - especially when it comes to the removal of the curly-Q end. I can even tolerate the bone jerseys if blue pants are involved.

The color palette is also among the league’s best. And if the Rams ever ditch the awful gradient numbers on the blue jersey, they’re primed to skyrocket up this list.

Something to Fix: As stated above, the gradient numbers must go. And the Rams need to stop overpromising the introduction of new alternates. Let’s hope we actually get a reveal next season - I’m rooting for a yellow jersey to pair with blue pants or icy white with a white horn on the helm.

Pairs Best With: 49ers.

To the delight of us all, Pat the Patriot finally returned last season. And to my unitard-hating delight, silver pants were finally introduced with the navy jersey. Despite that far superior look, the Patriots remain far too reliant on navy-over-navy. And it’s the only thing holding them back from breaking into the top half of the Power Rankings.

Until New England makes silver pants a priority, they may keep trickling down the board. But so long as we keep getting those glorious red throwbacks, I’m likely to keep forgiving them.

Something to Fix: Give the people what they want: 90s royal throwbacks in 2024.

Pairs Best With: Dolphins.

The Vikings big throwback reveal caught everyone by surprise. And what a pleasant surprise it was.* The shoulder stripes, simplified horn logo, and matching matte** helmet shade are all massive improvements over the primary look.

Speaking of the primary, I appreciate that the Vikings have one of the best helmet logos in the league - showcasing a perfect combination of mascot and region of the country. And purple and yellow make for a sharp color palette. But there are glaring flaws I cannot unsee. Bizarre mismatched number font. Door stopper sleeve stripes. And a slight mismatching of helmet and jersey purples. There’s an elite wardrobe here somewhere; the Vikings just haven’t found it yet.

Something to Fix: Put the Northman back on the sleeve.

Pairs Best With: Lions.

*Kudos to Minnesota for playing it so close to the vest. And bonus points for breaking out the throwbacks Week 1 against the Bucs.

**While many were clamoring for the dark purple gloss helmet, I prefer the matte. Especially when the Vikings did an excellent job matching the helmet shade to the jersey - no small task with matte helmets (just look at the slight mismatch with the home primaries).

It pains me to drop the Lions this year. Despite some issues (worst of all the number font), their current wardrobe has steadily grown on me. Honolulu Blue and Silver is an elite color palette. And so long as the Lions leave the white practice pants in the closet, their primary outfits are consistently sharp.

But actions have consequences. And few things last season were aesthetically worse than Detroit giving us the gray bodysuit on Thanksgiving over their sharp and simple throwbacks. To add insult to injury, the Lions doubled down on gray by pairing it with the underwhelming - if not downright bad - blue alternate helmet.* The Colts Indiana Nights uniform may be bad, but the Lions were the biggest losers of the NFL uniform offseason in my book.

Something to Fix: With new uniforms likely coming next season, I’m pulling for a Modern Classic reboot of the Barry Sanders-era 90s uniforms. In particular, white numbers with a silver outline would be a subtle change with massive improvement.

Pairs Best With: Packers.

*Just because a logo is old doesn’t mean it’s good, and the two-bar lion looks especially out of place on a helmet. Speaking of the helmet, the metallic sheen takes Honolulu Blue and gives it an almost Turquoise glow. It just looks off. Plus I’m concerned it signals a primary blue helmet in the future.

Choosing a favorite uniform from the Summer of Throwbacks is like forcing a parent to pick a favorite child - I just can’t do it (at least when it comes to the Bucs, Eagles, Seahawks, and Titans). But I can absolutely pick a favorite reveal, and that high honor goes to Seattle. As a 90s kid, few things compare to the nostalgia of seeing an NFL Blitz cartridge sticking out of a Nintendo 64. And the Seahawks royal, green, and silver unveiling harnessed the energy of that nostalgia bomb* and shot it right into our veins. Plus I still can’t get over how perfectly they nailed the shoulder logo.

Sure, I have my issues with the Seahawks primary uniforms, but I’ve grown to appreciate them for what they are. Hypermodern to a fault, yet it fits. I’d ditch the wrapping paper helmet stripe and electrical tape shoulder paneling, but the color scheme works for them. And I sneaky love the Triple Mismatch Club combination of blue, white, and wolf gray. No team is better suited for a Modern Classic redesign than the Seahawks. Apply the royal, green, and silver throwback color palette to the current Angry Seahawk logo and you’re cooking with gas.

Something to Fix: I’m still recovering from the fallout** caused by Action Green in Week 1 last season. While I recognize the fans have a soft spot for them, I’ll never come around.

Pairs Best With: 49ers.

*You should really go see Oppenheimer.

**Don’t make me say it again.

Heading into the 2022 season, the Cardinals were the team most in need of a uniform redesign. And after 17 seasons with a Bottom 3 uniform wardrobe, Arizona finally ended our long national nightmare. I’m prepared to die on the hill that the redesign was a success. I continue to be baffled by the hate the new uniforms are getting. Don’t get me wrong, I have my gripes: I’m not a fan of red pants with the red jersey or the giant “ARIZONA”. But to pretend like the current wardrobe is worse than the old set is insanity.*

While I have my issues with the red uniform, the white uniform is spectacular - instantly one of my favorite icy white outfits in the league. The addition of silver to the color palette continues to age well. It really pops on the red uniform and offers sleek accents to the white and black uniforms. Speaking of the blackout alternate, I have it as second best in the NFL behind only Pittsburgh.

The new white helmet is another improvement. The larger “enhanced” logo looks sharp, and I love that the feathering almost touches in the back. The silver flakes don’t offend me in the slightest, and the silver facemask ties in beautifully with new color palette. All in all, the Cardinals are back aesthetically and trending in the right direction.

Something to Fix: For now, I’m taking the Cardinals uniform reveal at its word in that the red uniform will be solely presented as a unitard. But if the Cardinals can work in white pants with the red jersey, look for Arizona to shoot up the board next season.

Pairs Best With: Rams.

*Again, this is all subjective. But we live on different planets if you prefer the old Cardinals wardrobe - on the shortlist for worst in NFL history.

The Dolphins continue to be the ultimate “it doesn’t have to be hard” team. Two elite throwbacks currently sit in the closet and any outfit in team history is better than what the Dolphins currently roll out week to week. But Miami keeps doing what they’re doing, and their stagnant ranking in the 20s reflects that. It’s hard to believe a team with such a vibrant color palette can have such a bland look.

Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t the worst wardrobe in the league by any means. But few things are worse than wasted talent when it comes to NFL aesthetics.

Something to Fix: I’m hopeful a redesign is on the horizon. In the meantime, let’s get some more orange in that helmet stripe; it’s too aqua-forward at the moment.

Pairs Best With: Chargers.

The Jaguars wardrobe somewhat grew on me last year - warts and all. Their biggest problem is an addiction to practice pants and an occasional teal allergy. But the uniforms really pop when Jacksonville dives into Triple Mismatch Club territory (whether it be black-teal-white or black-white-teal). And like some other teams mentioned above, the black helmet-black jersey-color pants look really works for the Jags.

It’s hard to see the Jaguars climbing high when they will always be compared to the fantastic 90s uniforms they wore during the franchise’s early days.

Something to Fix: Like the Bengals, it’s time to put the big cat back on the sleeves.

Pairs Best With: Colts.

Time to cross the Yukon Cornelius threshold into the Land of the Abominable. These aesthetic anchors are in desperate need of a change. And until that happens, they’ll keep holding back the league’s Uniform Renaissance.

I may be one of the few people that doesn’t actually hate the current Broncos look. I appreciate the logo, and it looks especially sleek on the helmet.* The number font is different but unique. And the color palette is sharp. But with all of that said, the 1997 template has become incredibly dated.**

It’s time for a change. And I think we’re in for one soon - perhaps as early as next offseason. I think it speaks volumes that the Broncos went with a white helmet*** instead of the Orange Crush throwbacks. You don’t pass on a slam dunk, people pleasing release unless you already have plans to bring that aesthetic back in another way. Modern Classic Orange Crush Watch is officially underway.

Something to Fix: Assuming a uniform redesign is coming, let’s hope the new white helmet will find a comfy landing spot with an icy white uniform to match.

Pairs Best With: Chargers.

*Another member of the horizontal helmet logo club.

**The wardrobe crossed from “tolerable” to “time to go” when someone thought it was acceptable to pair the white jersey with navy pants. The resulting side panel/pant stripe clash has caused untold trauma to sports uniform lovers around the globe.

***I’m a huge fan of the “snowcapped” helmet overall. I just wish it wasn’t paired with the half-measures Color Rush uniform.

The Texans have one of the more bland looks in the NFL. Navy, red, and white make for a generic color palette. The logo is fine but nothing special. And everything about the uniforms scream Create-A-Team in Madden.* So when the Texans unveiled a red helmet, it was nice to see them try something different. It’s far from the best helmet in the league, but it’s deniably sharp and - in my humble opinion - an improvement over the dark blue lid.

While the new helmet was nice, the wardrobe is still an NFL basement dweller. Thankfully, the uniform redesign is coming, and I’m feeling very optimistic. I think it’s a safe guess that the red helmet will become the new primary, and I’m hoping for light blue to replace navy in the color palette.**

Something to Fix: More red helmet please. Would especially love to see it paired with the blue jersey.

Pairs Best With: Colts.

*At least when Madden used to let you create your own team.

**To all you armchair intellectual property experts out there, there’s nothing Oilers-related that prevents the Texans from utilizing a red, light blue, and white color scheme - especially when using different shades and different colored helmets, jerseys, and pants.

I’ve given the Saints the benefit of the doubt for too long. That ends today. Tied with the Colts, New Orleans is the biggest faller in the 2023 Uniform Wardrobe Power Rankings. For years now, the Saints have avoided gold pants like the plague - leaving us over served with black and white practice pants.

But we reached a new low in 2022. For starters, the black alternate helmet was a total whiff. Forcing us to endure another Seahawks-style wrapping paper helmet stripe was bad enough, but pairing the black helmet with one of the best icy white uniforms in the league was a bridge too far. In one fell swoop, New Orleans transformed from an elite alternate team to one of the worst. The clown show didn’t stop there. In the season finale, the Saints unveiled arguably the worst Triple Mismatch Club uniform in the league by pairing white practice pants with the black jersey. Even the black jersey throwback was a mess with it’s mismatched golds.* Woof after woof after woof. This spot in the rankings may seem harsh at first glance, but the Saints left me no choice. Teams with high potential must be held to high standards.

Something to Fix: Hard to narrow it down. But the black helmet is the easiest fix. Give us back the Color Rush throwback with the gold helmet.

Pairs Best With: Panthers.

*I personally prefer the champagne gold. The old gold is dated and comes off like mustard on the pants. But preferences aside, the Saints desperately need to pick a gold and make sure it matches.

Let’s start with the good. The Falcons gradient uniforms are officially in the trash heap. Our long national nightmare is over (well, at least that segment of our Falcons fashion nightmare). Glaring flaws still remain. Over-embellished logo, “ATL” wordmark, bizarre number font and shading, and a slim side stripe keeping the Panelist Era alive. The throwbacks* are as good as football uniforms get and help the Falcons stand above some of their “Make it Stop” contemporaries.

Atlanta has so much aesthetic potential. Easily a top 5 uniform wardrobe if they can adopt a Modern Classic look featuring black and red helmets; black, white, and red jerseys; and white and gray pants. And perhaps they could refine the logo while they’re at it - blending both logos in the franchise’s history.

Something to Fix: In a world where we’re stuck with the number font and “ATL” wordmark, can we at least take an exacto knife to the side panels? Their limiting existence serves as a uniform chastity belt preventing the Falcons from mixing and matching jerseys and pants.

Pairs Best With: Cowboys.

*As much as I love the red helmet throwbacks, I’d love to see the black throwback helmet make one appearance per year (especially now that the Falcons are thankfully going with three throwback games).

Keeping with the trend of starting with the good: kudos to the Jets for being a surprise entry in the Summer of Throwbacks. The New York Sack Exchange icy whites are stupendous and showcase the Jets potential with a green helmet-centric wardrobe. But the greatness of the throwbacks shines an even brighter light on the flaws of the primaries. The mailed-in helmet. The black facemask. The “NEW YORK” wordmark. The confounding, angular shoulder stripes. An unnecessary black bodysuit. And an unhealthy aversion to the color green.

Regarding the last point, at least the Jets have a sense of humor - unintentional or otherwise. The New York Jets did not wear green below the helmet until WEEK 14 (!!!) last season. 75% of the season came and went before Gang Green decided to wear the color they’re known for. If nothing else, the commitment to the bit was appreciated.

Something to Fix: As evidenced by the excellent icy white throwbacks, white facemasks are a game changer. Sometimes, the smallest tweak makes the biggest difference. In fact, let’s remove black from the color palette altogether. Dropping an unnecessary color can elevate unlock an entire wardrobe (just look at the Chargers).

Pairs Best With: Browns.

More goods things to say about our bad wardrobe teams: as expected, the Oilers throwbacks look fantastic and their reveal was a highpoint in the greatest NFL uniform offseason in recent memory. But while the Bucs, Eagles, and Seahawks were prohibited from rocking their elite throwback uniforms because of the now-defunct one-shell rule, nothing was stopping the Titans from giving us the white-over-blue Oilers when their wardrobe featured primary white helmets from 1999 through 2017. So as much as I love that the Oilers aesthetic has returned, it’s hard to give the Titans the same overwhelming praise as their contemporaries.

The primary uniforms continue to be a major letdown. The navy helmet is brutal and removes any semblance of contrast - both within the helmet and with the rest of the wardrobe. The all-encompassing shoulder stripe and underarm panels breath the last bit of life into the Panelist Era. And the two-tone gray “sword” effect finds a way to make the shoulder and helmet stripes somehow worse than the previous Titans uniforms.*

Something to Fix: In a world where we’re forced to keep the current wardrobe, wear the navy bodysuit as infrequently as possible. In fact, let’s elevate the powder blue jersey to primary status.

Pairs Best With: Commanders - the bottom two deserve each other.

*At this point, I would sign up for the original Tennessee Titans uniforms in a millisecond. It has aged into a surprisingly underrated look - but that could just be my disappointment in the current wardrobe talking.

Nothing good to start with for the Commanders.* With back-to-back finishes at the bottom of the Power Rankings, Washington defends its title as worst wardrobe in the league. With no redeeming qualities, they may deserve a tier of their own - the bottomless perch.

“One Team; Three Different Uniforms” continues to be the most appropriate slogan for the Commanders. Stated differently, there’s no … wait for it … uniformity. Each set is its own disappointing template. And it all culminates in the blackout alternate - the single worst uniform in the National Football League.

Something to Fix: To begin with, everything.**

Pairs Best With: Titans - see above.

*Unless you count the sale of the team.

**Love when a reference comes full circle.

Tell me how right and wrong I am.

That’s a wrap, folks. I’ve rambled on for long enough. The 2023 Uniform Wardrobe Power Rankings are set in stone.

While I’m sure none of you disagree, come yell at me anyway on X, the website formally known as Twitter, at NFL Fashion Advice (@fashion_nfl) or shoot me an email ([email protected]).

Coming Attractions.

Keep an eye out for the next offseason issue of the Bets Dressed newsletter: Individual Futures and Player Props.

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